All Through My Eyes
by Forever Optimistic
Summary: Told entirely through James' point of view. A story of loss, friendship and love. Beginning in Lily and James seventh year as they become closer than either of them could have ever imagined.
1. Starting Over

I own nothing. Every character mentioned here came from the genius mind of JK Rowling and her wonderful series. :-)

* * *

_James POV_

**Starting over**

"Hey Prongs, are you ready to go?" Sirius asked. "Prongs?"

I knew he was talking to me, but I just didn't feel like responding. My whole world was gone. Standing there at my parent's burial was the hardest thing I had ever done. Most kids lose just one parent at a time, but me, I lost both in one night. A new dark wizard by the name of Voldemort had killed my parents because they had been in his way. My parents were both amongst the most talented aurors in the Ministry of Magic, and they had become too much of a threat to him and his followers. Sirius and I were also lucky we were both still alive. It was Sirius' idea to sneak out and play Quidditch in the forest by my house late that night. I remember how mad my mum would get every time we snuck out, but it was just too much fun. That night, I had a bad feeling about something, but I pushed those thoughts aside and replaced them with thoughts of Quidditch. When we returned three hours later, my worst fears had come true. There was a large symbol of a skull with a serpent sticking out of its mouth like a tongue right above our house. I immediately dropped my broom and ran up the stairs with Sirius hot on my heels. I'll never forget what I saw. My father was lying in the hall in front of my parent's bedroom door, his wand laid out in front of him. The door had been blasted open and when I walked in, my mother's lifeless body was lying hunched over a chair. My parents were dead. I fell to my knees and no words could ever describe what I felt that night.

"Hey Prongs, it's getting dark out here, I think we should go."

"Just give me a second Padfoot." It took all of the energy I had to keep the sobs that were threatening me from escaping. I missed them so much already.

"I'll meet you back home then," I heard him say in the background before turning away and disapparating.

I tried not to think about how it would have been different if I would have been there. Would I have been able to help them, or would I be dead too? I didn't blame Sirius for any of it, how could I? He was my best friend, and practically my brother. It was as much my fault as it was his and I never let myself forget it. I always sacrificed good common sense when it came to playing Quidditch, only this time it probably saved my life at a great cost. If only my parent's lives could have been spared too. I walked up to the mounds in which my parents now lay and a single tear dripped down my cheek. I wasn't going to cry, I wasn't going to be weak. I stood in front of the mound that was my mother's and I placed a white rose on top of it. She loved white roses. I then stood in front of my father's mound.

"I won't let you down dad. I promise that I will become the man you always wanted me to be. I'll make you proud."

With those words, I finally walked away. My father enjoyed a good prank as much as the next person but for years he had been trying to get Sirius and me to put as much effort into our studies as we did to our pranks. It started after fifth year when I got my OWL results. I got O's in everything except Divination only because it was a useless discipline anyway. My mother and father were incredibly proud of me, but with that pride came the expectations for me to get serious. They saw what I could do in school and they hated the fact that I was still as much of a trouble maker as I had been in my first year at Hogwarts. The summer I received my OWL results was the same summer Sirius appeared at my window one night, intent on never returning to his house. I didn't have to ask any questions; I knew why he had run away. His family was as bad as you could get in the wizarding world when it came to supporting Voldemort and the dark arts, and with the dark times that were upon us, I always wondered why he hadn't left sooner. My parents of course welcomed him into our home with open arms, and since that day we were officially brothers. My parents treated him as they would treat their own son and with that came the same expectations they had set for me. Sirius was a smart guy, but sometimes he let his imagination carry him away. He received O's in all of his subjects except Divination and Muggle Studies, but he never really liked either discipline. As I stood there looking at my father's grave, I remembered the last thing he said to both Sirius and I. We were in the dining room that night right after dinner when he asked us what we were planning to do after Hogwarts. Sirius of course didn't have much to say since he had never really given it much thought. I told my father that I wanted to go into auror training right after graduation and he couldn't have been happier. There was a sparkle in his eye that told me he was proud, but what he said afterwards changed my life. He said the only way I would succeed as an auror is if I took school much more seriously and if I stopped acting like a child. Needless to say, I wasn't too happy with being referred to as a child by my father, but deep down inside I knew he was right. I was going to be eighteen in December and I wasn't any closer to acting like an adult as I was at getting a date with Lily Evans. But that's another story. I wiped the tears from my eyes remembering where I was and finally left the cemetery.

Moments later, I apparated back to Godric's Hollow where I found Sirius standing in front of our house. I was grateful at that moment that Sirius had run away from his house. He was now the only family I had left. As I approached him, he gave me a sad smile, and patted me on the shoulder. Sirius was truly my best friend in the world. He knew I wasn't ready to talk about the events of the past few days because we had a silent understanding between the two of us that only made our friendship stronger. Somehow though, our friendship seemed different now. Now that my parents were gone, Sirius and I were both going to be forced to grow up a lot in a little bit of time. Things were definitely going to change drastically.

x

Two weeks later, I was sitting at the kitchen table drinking tea and catching up on homework when a large barn owl swooped through the window and delivered two envelopes. They were our Hogwarts letters, only mine was a lot bigger than Sirius'. I slowly picked up the envelope addressed to me and was shocked by what I read.

_Dear Mr. James H. Potter_

_Congratulations on making it to your seventh and final year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I am pleased to inform you that you have been personally selected to become Head Boy for the following school term. Enclosed you will find a list of instructions to be given to the prefects aboard the Hogwarts Express on September 1. I hope this letter finds you well, and again, congratulations._

_Best regards,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

_Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

A shiny gold badge with a large letter "H" fell onto the counter and I stared at it for what seemed like an eternity. Dumbledore had chosen me to be Head Boy. Wow. My first reaction was to tell my father the good news, but then it hit me. My father was gone; he would have been so proud. At that moment Sirius walked into the kitchen.

"Morning Prongs."

"Morning," I replied.

"What are you holding there?"

"Our Hogwarts letters just came. Dumbledore chose me to be Head Boy, but….."

"WHAT! Is he off his rocker?" He really sounded shocked.

"I don't know but…"

"I was sure Moony was going to get Head Boy, but you?" he interrupted. "I mean you're a great wizard and all Prongs but you're not exactly Head Boy material are you?"

"Well thank you Padfoot for your kind words, but you're right. I was sure Moony would get it. I mean not that I'm complaining, but who in their right mind would select me to be Head Boy?"

"Well, I guess that means one of two things. We could either take advantage of your new status and get away with many more pranks, or you could actually take your position seriously and become a nice behaved little boy. Your choice," he said winking at me.

At that moment I seriously began to consider what the badge meant. I really hadn't even thought of about pranks in the last few days, and I was beginning to think that maybe that was a good thing. Perhaps this was Dumbledore's way of straightening me out. Maybe he figured that if I was Head Boy, I would be a little more serious in my classes. Although I always got high marks, I never really put all of my efforts when it came to school, except perhaps in Transfiguration.

"Prongs, don't tell me you're actually thinking about it," Sirius said studying me. "I mean, your choice is easy. You're not going to stop pulling pranks on the Slytherins because you're Head Boy are you?" he finished with a hint of panic in his voice.

"Padfoot, maybe this is a sign. Maybe it's time I grew up a little. I mean I'm turning 18 in a few months and maybe you should take this year seriously too."

Sirius looked at me with a look of utmost horror and walked up to me as if he was taking my temperature. "You're kidding right? Prongs tell me you're kidding!"

"Maybe giving up pranking the Slytherins is going a bit too far, but don't you think that pranking other people in the hallways is getting a bit old?" I asked preparing myself for a rant.

"This is going to be a long year," he responded rubbing his temples. "I never thought I would see the day when a Marauder said pranking was getting old," he said as he slowly walked out of the dining room with his head hung low.

Was I willing to give up pranking because of a badge? Well, maybe it wasn't the badge that prompted me to make that decision. The truth is that really hurt when my father told me I was acting like a child. He knew I had the potential for great things, but my playfulness always got in the way. Perhaps I needed to grow up that year after all. I was going to graduate in the summer and I needed to get a job didn't I?

* * *

Liked it? Hated it? Thought it was just okay? Please review! 


	2. Meetings and Confrontations

I own nothing. Every character mentioned here came from the genius mind of JK Rowling and her wonderful series. :-)

* * *

**Meetings and confrontations**

The remainder of the summer seemed to have gone by in a blur. Before we knew it, Sirius and I were walking down Kings Cross on our way to platform 9 ¾ where we would be meeting Remus and Peter for our seventh and final year at Hogwarts. When Sirius and I crossed over the barrier, we spotted Peter talking animatedly with Remus. Remus looked really bored until he spotted us and immediately walked over to us leaving Peter speaking to himself.

"Hey Prongs. Padfoot."

"Hey Moony, hey Wormtail, how's it going?" I said.

"Not too good right now, full moon last week."

"Any plans for the next one?" Peter asked.

Sirius beamed, "Wormtail, of course we have plans, but we can't talk about them here can we? Mr. Head Boy here might give us detention," he said smirking at me.

"Prongs, you made Head Boy? Congratulations!" beamed Remus.

"Thanks Moony, but I was sure it would be you. I seriously don't know what Dumbledore was thinking."

"Well I have some good news for you Prongs. Wormtail and I were standing by the barrier earlier when we heard a certain red-head telling her best friend that she made Head Girl."

"Are you serious?"

"No, I am," Sirius said laughing before receiving a punch on each shoulder from Remus and Peter.

I rolled my eyes at them before running my hand through my hair; a nervous habit I acquired over the years. A certain red-head made Head Girl? The only red-head in our year was Lily Evans….Wait a minute. Evans. It finally dawned on me. I was going to be Head Boy with Lily Evans. I've had it bad for her for as long as I could remember but she'd never given me the time of day. She thought I was an insensitive, arrogant, bullying toerag and I admit I was pretty bad, but now she had to work with me. We were going to have to spend time together! HA!

"You heard right Prongs, Lily Evans is Head Girl," Moony repeated with an amused expression on his face.

"If you don't close your mouth soon I think that fly might think it's an invitation, Prongs," Sirius laughed at me while holding Peter in a choke hold.

I couldn't believe my luck. Of course, how could she not be Head Girl? She was the smartest witch at Hogwarts and it was common knowledge that she was Dumbledore's favorite.

"Um, I'll see you guys later, I have a prefect's meeting to take charge of," I said before running off in the direction of the prefect compartment.

I suddenly had an extra skip in my step. This was going to be a great year after all. It was my last year at school, and I was going to have to work in close quarters with the girl I was head over heels with. Maybe this was my year. Maybe this was the year that Lily Evans finally went out with me. I wasn't even paying attention to where I was going when I heard her voice in the corridor. I suddenly stopped, my heart thumping fast.

"Wow Alice, this is going to be a great year! I just really hope the Head Boy is _not_ a Slytherin."

"Who do you think it is? I mean I'm pretty sure it's going to be Remus Lupin, he's one of the smartest boys in our year apart from James Potter and Sirius Black," Alice responded.

"It has to be Remus. He's smart and responsible despite the fact that he's friends with Potter and Black. I'll never understand how such a nice and responsible guy ended up with friends like that. Especially Potter, the arrogant prat."

What? My heart sank and the smile I was carrying before that moment immediately disappeared. Here I was, completely excited about having to share head duties with Lily Evans and she was talking bad about me. I mean I knew she didn't like me, but I had never really heard her talk about me with her friends like that, especially when she hadn't seen me all summer. I didn't even know she talked about me with her friends at all for that matter!

"Oh Lily, it can't possibly be Potter! Everybody knows what a troublemaker he is, why would Dumbledore make him Head Boy?" Alice responded.

"I hope you're right because if I have to see more of him than I already do, I'm going to have to hex myself," she said before they both broke out in giggles.

When the train began to move, I saw Lily and Alice laughing and making their way towards the prefect compartment when I felt someone come up behind me.

"So are you going in Prongs?" Moony asked.

"Yeah," I responded absentmindedly.

As Remus and I walked into the prefect compartment, all eyes were on me. I vaguely heard a Slytherin ask another why I was there before making a witty remark, but I was too distracted by the look of absolute horror on Lily's face when she looked at my badge.

"Hey Evans, should we get this meeting started?" I managed to say without sounding too nervous and flashing her one of my infamous smiles.

She didn't respond, she only glared at me with a look that would send the bravest Gryffindor into hiding. At that moment, I felt like she was about to stand up and hit me, so I began the meeting without waiting for a response. Dumbledore had written out instructions for us to explain in detail to the prefects about passwords, patrolling duties, and Hogsmeade trips. I only meant to get the meeting started, but the glare I received from Lily scared me into thinking that if I stopped talking, she would curse me. I really didn't need a girl cursing me in front of a bunch of prefects, especially with Remus in there; he would never let me live it down.

As I finished explaining the last of the instructions, I stopped and chanced a glance at Lily expecting some sort of approval. Her scowl had disappeared and instead she looked as if she had just swallowed a particularly bitter treat.

"Was there anything you wanted to add Evans?" I asked her in the most professional voice I could muster under her stare.

"Yes Potter," she responded curtly.

With that, she began passing out lists of passwords to each of the house prefects. Man she was gorgeous. I had liked her for a long time now, but his year she was different somehow. She had really grown up a lot over the summer and her face no longer showed girlish features. She was now an incredibly beautiful woman. I don't think I heard a word of what she said afterwards because I was mesmerized by her large emerald eyes and her full red lips. After a few minutes of staring at her, the meeting was over and everyone began walking out of the compartment and onto the corridors. Remus gave me a devilish grin before patting my shoulder and walking out behind everybody else. I quickly recovered from my trance and began writing down some notes about the meeting so that I could turn them in to Dumbledore. I had been writing for about five minutes before I noticed that Lily was standing in front of me tapping her foot on the floor impatiently while staring down at me. I looked up and I saw a very amused yet angry look on her face.

"Potter, what are you playing at? You are the last person I expected or hoped to be Head Boy," her voice getting louder as she spoke. "Maybe Dumbledore sees something I don't, but how could he have chosen you?" she yelled getting closer to me. "If I'm going to have to put up with you on a regular basis, I hope you finally realized how old you were and I hope that you're not just pretending to take this seriously," she stated loudly with a bit of annoyance in her voice.

"I know how old I am Evans," I said looking up into those beautiful emerald eyes that were on fire at the moment.

"Well you certainly don't act your age most of the time," she began before turning her back on me and continuing on some sort of rampage. "I hope you take this position seriously Potter because I will not be doing your share of the work. If you think I was convinced by the way you took over the meeting today, you are sadly mistaken. I know how you like to show off, and this was just another stage for you wasn't it?" she finished pointing a finger menacingly at me.

I stared at her dumfounded for a moment before I found words to respond to her.

"You won't have to do any of my work Evans. I suppose Dumbledore chose me as Head Boy because he obviously thinks I can do this and no, I wasn't showing off, I was simply taking on my responsibilities. Isn't that what I was supposed to do?" I responded getting a bit annoyed by her sudden outburst.

"Hah, the day you grow up is the day flobberworms learn to fly! Just because Professor Dumbledore thinks you can be responsible for whatever reason does not mean I believe it for one second. Seriously Potter, what could possibly make _you_ grow up?"

Wow, she didn't dislike me, she flat out hated me. I was no stranger to being at the wrong end of her temper but I had never got it that bad. I did what I was supposed to do in the meeting, I didn't hex anyone and yet she still yelled at me. I mean, I practically ran the meeting by myself and she was accusing me of not being responsible?

"Well Evans, if you're done insulting me, I think I'm going to go look for my friends. Here are the notes I took from the meeting to give to Dumbledore. I'm sure you'll find that I did more than my share of the work," I told her with a bit of sarcasm in my voice.

I walked out on her just then, but I felt her staring at me. I didn't mean to be so harsh with her, but her last words hurt. She usually only got mad at me when I terrorized another student or when I was caught pulling a prank, and I could handle that, but today I had only done my job. I had a lot of work to do if I was ever going to get her to like me the way I liked her.

I walked into the compartment where Sirius, Remus and Peter were laughing hysterically. Sirius was already planning the first Marauder prank on the Slytherins.

"Hey Prongs, how did the meeting go?"

"Great," I said faking a smile.

Sirius obviously was not interested in the answer to his own question because he quickly continued with his plans. I sat back on the seat and looked out the window. I couldn't believe how much Lily hated me. I thought this year was going to be different as soon as I found out she was Head Girl because she was finally going to have to get to know me, but I was dead wrong. I never saw Lily as a callous individual, and I certainly did not expect her to say those things to me without a proper explanation. Knowing that she couldn't believe there could be anything to make me grow up made me miserable. Had she not heard about my parents? Either she didn't know, or she didn't care.

"How does that sound to you Prongs?" I heard Sirius ask.

"Sounds great Padfoot," I responded although I had no clue what he had been talking about. I was lost in my thoughts about Lily Evans. Why did she have such a lasting effect on me? She turned me down time after time and made me look like a fool and yet I still went after her. No other girl had ever turned me down, and in spite of that, I was after the one that had done just that on countless occasions. Why couldn't she just be like all the other girls? But then again, I guess that's why I liked her so much. She wasn't like the other girls. She was Lily Evans.

* * *

Liked it? Hated it? Thought it was just okay? Please review! 


	3. What!

A huge thanks to those of you who have reviewed so far!

x

I own nothing. Every character mentioned here came from the genius mind of JK Rowling and her wonderful series. :-)

* * *

**What?**

Once we arrived at Hogwarts and were sitting at the Great Hall, Dumbledore made his usual beginning of term announcements. At that moment I looked over at Lily's direction out of habit I guess, and was surprised to see that she was looking at me too. I immediately expected her to scowl at me when I waved and smiled at her but instead she surprised me even more by returning the smile. Wait a minute, was this the same girl who yelled at me earlier, or was this a different Lily? As soon as I looked into her beautiful emerald eyes she turned away and continued her conversation with Alice. That was strange. Just then Sirius poked me hard on the ribs to get my attention.

"So Prongs, what do you think about going out to the Forbidden Forest next full moon?"

"Sounds good Padfoot."

"Are you alright Prongs, you're acting a bit strange," Peter asked me.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Remus asked.

"I'm fine Moony, just tired," I lied.

"If you say so," he responded.

Sirius then went on about some new spot in the Forbidden Forest we hadn't yet explored while Peter praised the idea, but I really wasn't listening. Lily Evans was still on my mind. I noticed that Remus was studying me, and I quickly shook all thoughts of the beautiful red-head out of my mind and dove into the conversation.

Once dinner was over, we all began making our way into our dormitories. As the other Marauders and I made our way towards the portrait hole I heard Lily call my name.

"Potter, can I speak to you about the prefect meeting earlier?"

"Sure," I responded trying not to sound too shocked.

Sirius smirked at me before he, Remus and Peter walked into the common room laughing.

I hesitantly walked towards her when she grabbed my arm and began pulling me down the corridor. It dawned on me then that Lily Evans was holding my arm. The only time she had ever touched me was when she was trying to push me away from her, but this time she was willingly making contact with me. Shocked, I let her lead me around the corner before she stopped and looked up at me with those gorgeous eyes. She was so beautiful. She was at least six inches shorter than I was and I really couldn't take my eyes off her.

"Look Potter, I want to talk to you about the prefect meeting…."

"Okay, I'm sorry I took over the meeting earlier today Evans. I know that's your thing and the last thing you needed was to have a prat like me make you look foolish, etc, etc." I said with a sigh. "Look, I really wasn't trying to show off, I swear, I just figured you wouldn't believe I was up for the challenge, so I took over so you wouldn't have to."

"What? You took over because you thought I didn't think you were capable of it?"

"Well, yeah. I mean I admit I like pranks a little more than the average guy and judging by what you said to me afterward, I guess I was right in believing that you thought I was incapable of being responsible," I said to her while running my hand through my already messy hair. "I figured I would try to impress you, but obviously it backfired."

"You certainly caught me off guard, but that isn't what I want to talk to you about," she responded shaking her head.

She then turned her back to me and walked a few feet away. I was about to ask her what she wanted to talk about when she turned back around.

"Potter, I'm sorry about the way I treated you earlier. I had no right to yell at you like that when you were only doing your job and I'm really sorry."

"Evans, it's ok, I….."

"Listen Potter, I live with muggles over the summer. I don't really get any news about what happens in the wizarding community back home and so I hadn't heard about what happened to you this summer," she said looking up at me as if expecting me to yell at her.

I immediately looked down at the floor as if it was calling my name. I really didn't want to talk about what happened to my parents over the summer. Besides, I wasn't supposed to look weak in front of her. What would she think of me? Growing tired of the uncomfortable silence, she spoke to me again.

"Potter, I'm sorry about accusing you of not growing up. I really am. I just had no idea…"

"Forget about it Evans," I interrupted with a bit of an edge to my voice. "You don't have to be nice to me just because you pity my situation or because you feel bad for yelling at me. I've gotten too many unwanted sympathetic looks from everybody else already. I really don't need the sympathy from you too because I've proven that I'm more than capable of dealing with it without anyone's help."

I should have been happy that she was apologizing to me, but I felt angry for some reason and I was lashing out at her. I wanted her to talk to me, but if she was only doing it because she pitied me, then I didn't want her attention at all.

"I don't pity you James," she said with a hint of impatience in her voice.

Wait a minute; did she just call me James!

"I know how you must feel right now and I know you don't need the pity but you also have to stop trying to pretend everything is fine. You're going about it all wrong if you think you can handle this without anyone's help. You don't have to prove that you're strong you know."

"You're right, I don't need the pity, and I'm not saying that because I feel the need to be strong all the time. So if you're done, I need to get some rest," I responded starting to walk away.

"Look," she said coming up to me and looking me in the eyes, "I know we haven't exactly been friends over the years, but I really feel bad about the way I treated you. Even _you_ don't deserve that."

"Gee, thanks a lot Evans, and here I thought you were actually going to play nice," I said sarcastically forgetting all about my previous anger. How could I be angry when she looked at me like that?

"Okay, I'm sorry, that wasn't what I meant. It's just that you have this way of bringing the worst out of me for no apparent reason," she said blushing slightly.

"You hate me that much huh?" I asked running my hand over my hair again.

"I don't _hate_ you Potter. It's just that you make my life so miserable sometimes and I don't understand why you do it."

"Well I wouldn't make your life so _miserable_ as you put it if you gave me an opportunity to prove myself to you. Accepting one of my Hogsmeade invitations wouldn't hurt you know?"

"You call annoying me an invitation? Honestly, the way other girls go on about how charming James Potter is and how he is so sweet and adorable. Then I'm subject to the way you ask me out and I don't see what those girls are talking about."

"That's because you make me nervous," I told her with what I hoped was a normal tone of voice. It was true. She did make me nervous. Smooth talking James Potter became a babbling fool who couldn't even string two sentences together when it came to Lily Evans. She made me go weak in the knees, and I just wasn't used to being so helpless around any girl.

"James Potter nervous in front of a girl? Now I've heard everything!"

I suddenly broke away from my thoughts. She was laughing at me, and I didn't even care. This was the first civilized conversation we had ever had. Usually the conversations were between me and the back of her head, but this time she was actually talking to me.

"Alright, alright. I get it. So you've heard stories about my charm. Big deal, girls talk too much about that stuff anyway. You only make me nervous because you've made a fool out of me so often that I'm afraid you'll ruin my reputation," I told her through a large smile on my face.

"No, I certainly wouldn't want to do that," she said sarcastically.

There was a short uncomfortable silence before she spoke again.

"Look Potter, as I said before, I'm really sorry about the way I treated you earlier. It's not like me to yell at someone like that even if it is you."

"That's alright Evans, I could never be mad at you," I said smiling at her.

She smiled back at me, "You know Potter, we've been alone in this corridor for about ten minutes and you haven't hit on me once. I think this is the first time we have ever had a normal conversation too. You're in danger of becoming a good person," she teased.

"What are you talking about? I'm already a good person, you just haven't given me a chance to show you my good side," I said making her break out into a larger smile.

"I didn't think you had a good side," she laughed.

"Ha, ha," I said sarcastically through a large smile on my face. Another uncomfortable silence followed before she interrupted my thoughts again.

"Um…I was thinking Potter that since we're Head Boy and Head Girl now, that it would look really bad if we didn't get along. So…do you think that maybe we could put the past behind us and try to be friendlier towards each other?" she asked me looking down at the ground.

What! Lily Evans was asking me to be her friend?

"Oh, of course," I managed to say a little too eagerly.

"Well okay then, I guess we should go in before we get in trouble for being out in the corridor after curfew."

"We're Head Boy and Girl Evans, I don't think we'll get into too much trouble," I laughed.

She laughed too, "I guess you're right. It's just habit for me to worry you know?" She looked into my eyes just then and said, "Good night James."

I looked deep into her eyes and was somehow able to say a barely audible "Good night Lily."

She smiled at me when I said her name and then she walked through the portrait hole. That was the most amazing conversation of my life! Lily Evans had actually spoken to me without yelling AND she wanted to be friends with me! So far what started out as a bad year began looking better.

It took a couple of minutes for me to recover from the initial shock of being Lily's friend. When I finally came out of my daze, I walked through the portrait hole to see the other Marauders huddled in a corner. I hadn't even taken a few steps when Sirius ran over to me.

"You okay Prongs?"

"Padfoot, what are you talking about?" I asked, confused.

"Well we saw Evans walk in and then we didn't see you come in after her. We thought she had hexed you and left you unconscious out there," he said walking in circles around me while looking me over.

"What did she want to talk to you about?" Remus asked ignoring Sirius.

"Oh, um, she just wanted to tell me that we had a meeting with Dumbledore tomorrow."

"And it took you that long?" Peter added.

"Yeah, well, she was telling me what she thought the meeting would be about," I lied.

"Sure," Remus answered raising an eyebrow.

Damn. Remus always knew when I wasn't telling them the truth.

* * *

Liked it? Hated it? Thought it was just okay? Please review! 


	4. Back in School

A huge thanks to those of you who have reviewed so far!

x

I own nothing. Every character mentioned here came from the genius mind of JK Rowling and her wonderful series. :-)

* * *

**Back in School**

The next morning, I walked into the Great Hall with an extra skip in my step. I just couldn't contain myself. As I walked past a group of fifth year Hufflepuff girls I said good morning to them and I heard them break out in manic giggles behind me. Girls were really bizarre. I sat down next to Remus at the Gryffindor table and he gave me a questioning look upon looking up at me.

"You look disgustingly happy this morning Prongs. Is there something wrong?"

"No my dear Moony, nothing at all, just happy to be back at Hogwarts."

He raised an eyebrow at me, "Whatever you say…"

At that moment there was a big commotion at the Slytherin table and I knew exactly why. We, the Marauders, had officially pulled our first prank of the year during breakfast and soon most of the Slytherins were putting their hands to their faces trying to protect themselves from the pumpkin juice that was spraying out at them from their goblets as they tried to drink out of them. The other three houses laughed with glee as I saw Sirius walking towards Gryffindor table with a very satisfied look on his face.

"Morning fellow Marauders."

"Morning Padfoot," I said giving him a toothy grin.

Just then Professor McGonagall began passing out schedules for the term amidst loud groans from the entire Gryffindor table. I looked down at my own schedule and immediately grimaced; double potions first thing in the morning followed by History of Magic.

"Remind me again why I'm taking History of Magic this year?" Sirius asked looking at me with a look of disgust.

"Because you're too lazy to make up your own schedule so you enrolled in everything I'm in," I responded not looking up at him.

"And why are you taking it then? It's not like you're going to need it to get into Auror training."

Right as I was about to answer his question, the reason came walking straight towards me. Lily's long red hair was bouncing gracefully off her shoulders as she came closer, until finally she stopped right in front of me. I admit, the only reason I was taking History of Magic was because I knew that was one of her favorite subjects and I knew I could sit close to her in class.

"Hey Potter, we need to get together before we meet with Professor Dumbledore to discuss the first Hogsmeade trip. Can you meet me in the library after dinner?"

"Sure can do, _friend_," I said with a wink.

"Prat," she said as she rolled her eyes, and walked away. I could have sworn I saw her smile before she turned around!

"What was that all about?" Sirius asked with a mouth full of food.

"Just a friendly chat with my fellow Head Girl," I said taking a bite of toast.

"Very friendly I would say, and what's with the whole _friend_ thing?" Remus asked before taking a long swig from his goblet.

"Well, we figured that since we're going to be working together, that we should make an effort to be friendlier towards each other so that we could set a good example for the other students," I said trying to contain the smile that was threatening to overtake me.

"So that's why you've been smiling all morning?" Peter chimed in as he nudged Sirius on the arm.

"That's why he and Lily were out in the corridor so long last night!" Remus teased sharing a laugh with the other Marauders. "Making the moves on her already are we?"

"So Prongs, you think you're finally going to get lucky with her this year?" Sirius interjected placing his arm over my shoulder.

"We're just getting friendly Padfoot. I think I'll leave it at that for the time being, at least she's willingly speaking to me now," I answered trying to get away from Sirius' grasp and getting my things together to go to class.

"Alright, who are you and what did you do to James Potter?" Sirius asked with a mock worried tone. "By now I figured you would have at least asked her out about three times and been turned down just as many. What exactly happened on the train yesterday? Did you get a little action you're not telling us about?" he asked and while Remus and Peter tried their hardest not to laugh.

"Very funny Padfoot, I'm doubling over with laughter as we speak," I responded sarcastically. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to class," I said before heading off and leaving behind a very raucous group of Marauders.

x

The first few days of classes went by without much incident. The first couple of nights at Hogwarts proved to be a bit difficult for me however due to the fact that I kept having bloody nightmares. Usually they involved a gargantuan army of black cloaked wizards led by Voldemort surrounding my parents before they were killed right in front of me. In my dreams, I was always forced to sit there and watch the Death Eaters torture my parents before ending their lives. Then after having to witness their murder, I had to walk back home only to see the Dark Mark hovering over our house. It was a terrible way to wake up each morning. By placing silencing charms around my dormitory, the rest of the house remained oblivious to my sleepless nights and countless nightmares in which I woke up screaming. Nobody could ever know I was having those dreams.

Sirius meanwhile, managed to get detention on the first week back because he got caught adding extra ingredients into Snape's cauldron during potions. His feat was accomplished with a bit of my assistance of course, as well as a well thought out plan by Remus, but only Sirius could have managed to get caught and still smile about it. The cauldron melted within seconds and immediately began burning the shoes off of anyone who came in contact with the spilled ingredients. How could I have ever thought of giving up pranking? Was I nuts?

Lily and I were also getting along surprisingly well up to that point. I had not showed off or hexed anyone in front of her and she seemed happy about it due to the fact that I was Head Boy and should have known better anyway. She only yelled at me once in the corridor when I tripped a 6th year Slytherin on purpose for bumping into me. All of the old nicknames she made up just for me resurfaced in that moment, but she surprised me later by apologizing. She said she had lost her temper and that it was wrong of her to yell at me in front of everyone because she was Head Girl and I was Head Boy. Lily actually apologized. Not that I wanted her to or needed her to, but it was really cool hearing it from her. In the seven years that we had known each other, she had never apologized and I had never apologized to her for acting the way I did around her. The way I figured it was that she only apologized because she saw that I was behaving myself for the most part that year. That one incident with the Slytherin was the first time she had to tell me off and I guess I sort of let her down by acting up again. Oh well, you live, you learn.

Quidditch practices were set to start during the third week of classes and I couldn't have been more excited. It was my last year at Hogwarts, and I was once more captain to a Gryffindor team that had all its players returning from the previous year. Having Quidditch practice of course meant that Lily and I would have to find new meeting times, something she wasn't too happy about, but that was necessary.

"Quidditch is so barbaric," she told me as she threw her bag on the floor one night after a meeting.

"What do you mean it's barbaric? Have you ever actually watched a match before?" I asked her cocking an eyebrow.

"Well of course I have, the entire school goes out and watches them," she responded looking down at the floor.

"Just because everyone shows up to the match doesn't mean everyone watches. You've never actually seen us play before have you? If I remember correctly, you always take a book with you to the stands," I said with a large smile forming on my face.

She smiled at the ground for a moment and I knew she was going to try and deny the whole thing. When she looked up at me and saw the way I was looking at her she rolled her eyes and her smile broadened. "Okay, fine. I'll admit it; I've never actually seen the team play. It's just so nerve wracking and I can't bare to watch you guys try and knock your heads off with those stupid balls," she said in a frustrated tone.

"You're worried about one of us getting our heads knocked off?" I teased.

"Of course I'm worried! I don't like seeing anyone hurt like that, it's just so….so….. barbaric!"

"Calm down, it's not as bad as you think it is. Quidditch is really fun. You're free to do whatever you want up there when you're flying; it's like you're leaving all your worries behind. Besides, getting hurt is part of playing Quidditch. It makes it that much tougher to play," I said getting closer to her. "It makes it that much more of a challenge," I finished looking down at her with a smirk.

"You didn't look like you were enjoying yourself that much in fourth year when you fell a hundred feet to the ground and had to spend an entire week in the hospital wing," she said looking up at me.

"You remember that? I thought you hated me, why would you remember something like that?" I asked, confused.

"I didn't hate you. I just couldn't stand being near you, and as much as you annoyed me even _you_ didn't deserve to get hurt like that," she said in a softer voice.

Did she just say what I think she said? She actually sounded worried!

"Wow, I never knew you felt that way. Maybe I should fall off my broom more often!" I said not hiding my laughter.

"Don't say that. It was really terrifying. It was as if you were falling down in slow motion," she said stepping away from me. "You should have heard the awful sound you made when you hit the ground. It was as if every bone in your body had shattered," she said with a worried tone.

I looked at her just then not laughing anymore. I couldn't believe what she was saying to me. All these years I thought she hated me and wanted nothing more than to forget I was alive, when in fact she did notice me. I felt as if I was in a different place when she broke my thoughts with the change in subject.

"Well if you can't meet with me after dinner because of your barbaric practices we're just going to have to meet later at night. It's lucky we're both in the same house because then we can just meet in the common room," she said packing up her school things.

"Oh, um, yeah I guess you're right," I said doing the same.

We walked towards Gryffindor tower in silence. This was not what I expected the year to be like when it started. Not only was Lily talking to me, but she didn't seem to mind being in my company. This was insane! It was impossible for me to not look at her as we walked. She radiated a type of energy I couldn't understand and I just couldn't believe my luck with her. I heard her say the password to the Fat Lady and when we walked through the portrait hole, she turned around and looked at me.

"You know Potter, I'm really glad we're finally friends. So far you've turned out to be the complete opposite of who I thought you were and I've really enjoyed your company lately."

What!

"Erm, yeah, me too. I mean, it's better than having you make a fool out of me all the time," I said feeling awkward as I ran my hand through my hair.

"Yeah, well you deserved it," she said smiling up at me. Just then she leaned in close to me and did what I could have only imagined in my dreams. She stood only inches away from me and put her soft hand on my cheek and said, "Good night James," before walking up to her dormitory. I watched her walk away with a strange feeling at the pit of my stomach. Lily Evans had just touched my cheek. As I saw her disappear up the stairs I put my hand to the spot where she had touched me. Sure, it was just her hand on my cheek, but it was more than I could have ever asked for. To think that at the beginning of the year she would have given anything to get away from me. I couldn't believe it. I felt like I was floating on air as I walked into my Head Boy dormitory. I didn't even undress before throwing myself on the bed and looking up at the ceiling. I don't know how long I remained that way, but I wouldn't have traded that feeling with anything in the world.

* * *

Liked it? Hated it? Thought it was just okay? Please review! 


	5. Quidditch and Things

I own nothing. Every character mentioned here came from the genius mind of JK Rowling and her wonderful series. :-)

* * *

**Quidditch and Things**

Quidditch was always fun. In my opinion it was the second best thing about Hogwarts, next to Lily of course. I could always lose myself when I was up in the air. The team was looking very good again this year and I was looking forward to our match against Slytherin in the coming weekend. As I flew around the pitch watching the rest of the team practice and yelling out pointers at them, I couldn't help but think about my meeting with Lily later that night. It would be our first meeting alone in the common room since all of our other meetings were at the library where Madame Pince usually kept a close eye on us. Being around Lily always did something to me that I couldn't really explain. I was known at Hogwarts as a very easy going, loud guy who expelled all sorts of confidence, but when Lily was around, I turned into a stuttering, blushing fool. She was the only girl that ever made me feel that way and I think I liked her more for it. She was also the only girl at Hogwarts who had ever turned me down, but that only made me want her more because at least I knew she wasn't like all the other girls who went for looks and popularity in a guy. I was suddenly shaken from my reverie when Sirius flew up behind me and smacked me upside the head with his beater's club.

"Hey Prongs, we're talking to you," he yelled in my ear.

"Oh, sorry, just got a bit distracted," I said rubbing the back of my head.

"So are we done for tonight or what? We're beat," he said.

"Yeah, sorry guys. I guess I lost track of time," I said as I made my way towards the rest of the team. "Be ready to play this Saturday, because it's an important match. We can't lose to Slytherin can we? We'll be the laughing stock of the school," I said before flying down and landing by the locker rooms.

"What's with you lately? You've been acting all strange since we got back. We haven't pulled a prank in over a week. Are you feeling alright?" Sirius asked landing next to me.

"I'm fine Padfoot. I've just been pre-occupied with the whole Head Boy thing. It's no big deal," I sighed. "Besides, I have to act as if I don't go around pranking as Head Boy, remember?" I said absent mindedly.

"Excuse me? We're Marauders Prongs. We live to prank Slytherins and innocent bystanders, everyone knows that, even Dumbledore knows that," he said waving his around.

"I guess, but it's becoming too much to handle. Things have changed too much this year with this stupid badge constantly looming over me and having to worry about NEWTS," I said running my hand through my already messy hair again. "I enjoy pulling pranks as much as you do Padfoot, I really do, but I feel like I need to prove that I can be more than a prankster. I need to prove that I can be a responsible adult like my father wanted me to be," I said looking away from him. I wasn't exactly comfortable having this type of conversation with Sirius. He was my best mate but at the same time I think we both knew that talking about serious stuff might get in the way of having fun.

"Sorry Prongs. I never knew you felt that way. But we can at least prank the Slytherins every once in a while, right?" he asked with a puppy dog face.

"Well, maybe you could try to pull some stuff off without me and then I'll pretend I don't know about it, that way it doesn't look suspicious," I said with a smile.

Sirius looked at me and gave me that devilish grin he was notorious for before walking into the locker rooms for a shower.

x

Seeing as how it was late at night by the time I got out of the showers, I simply put on some muggle clothing. I slipped into a pair of jeans and put on a white t-shirt before getting my things and walking towards the castle to meet with Lily in the common room. When I walked into the common room, I was not surprised to see that Lily was the only person there. She was sitting by the fire place with a book propped up on her knees, the flames giving her face a beautiful glow. I slowly walked up beside her and put my belongings down on the floor. A sudden urge to take her in my arms threatened to overcome me, but I held my emotions in check for the sake of not making a big fool of myself.

"Sorry I'm late, practice went a little long and I spent more time than I intended in the locker room," I said to her as I sat down beside her.

"Oh, that's fine, I was just getting a head start on my reading for Charms," she said still looking down at her book.

"So, shall we get started?" I asked.

"Sure," she said finally looking up. She stared at me for a few seconds before she noticed that I was staring back, and she blushed deep red, finally tearing her gaze away. Had she really just been staring at me? Nah, too much to ask for.

When she finally looked up again trying to avert my gaze, I just couldn't help it. I couldn't keep my eyes off hers. Her eyes were illuminated more by the light of the fire and I could have sworn she stared at me for another moment and blushed before looking back down again. I smiled back at her not being able to contain my happiness at spending time alone with her even if it was only for a meeting.

"We should probably start by planning the next Hogsmeade trip," she began, her voice sounding a little strained. I wasn't paying much attention to what she was saying because I was still looking at her. It was amazing how much she had changed in the past year. She was so grown up. I also couldn't believe how differently I felt about her. In the past I knew I liked her a lot, but it was different that year. Every time I looked at her I felt a strange feeling at the pit of my stomach that I couldn't explain. She must have noticed that I was staring at her because she suddenly stopped and looked at me with her head tilted to the side.

"Are you listening to a word I'm saying?" she suddenly asked me.

I shook my head and looked down. "Sorry, I got distracted," I said for the hundredth time that day hoping she wouldn't see me blushing.

"Wow, is James Potter blushing?" she teased.

"No," I said getting up and turning away.

"Yes you are. You were staring into space with your mouth practically wide open while I was talking and I caught you, and now you're blushing," she teased.

"I wasn't staring into space, I was thinking about something and my mouth was not wide open," I said trying to sound as cool as possible.

"Whatever you say, but as I was saying, we should probably plan on having the first Hogsmeade trip around the Halloween weekend. It shouldn't be cold then," she said to me obviously trying to hold back her laughter.

"That sounds good to me," I said trying my hardest to not look at her with fear that I would break out laughing too. She then started telling me about how we should have another visit right before Christmas but I was only catching a few of words. I had just realized that she had almost caught me staring at her and although I hadn't heard a word she said, she hadn't gotten mad at me for it. If it had been sixth year and she caught me ignoring everything she was saying, she would have made some smart remark to make me look like a complete idiot in front of other people. But she hadn't done that. She had simply laughed at the fact that she had caught me staring into space.

"So what do you think?" she asked me, tearing me away from my thoughts.

"That sounds great," I said trying to sound as if I knew exactly what she was talking about.

"Well that settles it, do you want me to turn these notes in to Professor Dumbledore, or will you do it?"

"I'll give them in to him tomorrow before Charms," I said standing up.

"Great," she said also standing up.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow then," I said looking down at her.

"Yes, I'll see you tomorrow."

At that moment we both took a step forward to walk towards our belongings on opposite sides of the common room and we bumped right into each other. I felt her small frame bump into my chest and I immediately held out my arms to catch her before she fell over from the collision. She looked confused at first, but after realizing what had just occurred, she burst out in a fit of laughter and I did the same. We remained that way for a few seconds before she realized she was still in my arms and she quickly stood up.

"I'm sorry. That was so clumsy of me," she said trying to stifle her laughter.

"You shouldn't be apologizing, I knocked you over," I said trying to compose myself.

"Is James Potter actually being a gentleman?" she asked through a wide smile.

"Well in the words of one Lily Evans I guess I finally popped my 'excessively large head' for which I only use to show off in front of everyone and actually began acting the part of the young, charming young fellow that I am," I said with my most pretentious tone of voice.

"You are not a charming young fellow, but you did have an excessively large head. I'm only grateful that you seem to have deflated it this year and that you're actually acting civilized," she said with a more serious tone.

"It was no easy task deflating it mind you, but I figured I would let Sirius have something he could claim was his own, you know? No one wants two big heads in one common room do they? Where would everyone else fit?" I said laughing. "I'm glad you noticed."

"Good night James," she said with a large grin before walking up the stairs to her dormitory.

There it was again. James. I stood there for a moment trying to freeze the moment in time. What was happening between me and Lily? At the beginning of the term when she saw me on the train she wanted nothing more than to make me go away, but now it seemed that she was actually enjoying my company. I at least hoped that she felt that way because to me it was the most incredible feeling in the world.

* * *

Liked it? Hated it? Thought it was just okay? Please review! 


	6. The Wound That Cut Too Deep

I own nothing. Every character mentioned here came from the genius mind of JK Rowling and her wonderful series. :-)

* * *

**Wound that cut too deep**

The next few days went by without much incident. I had finally come out of my Head Boy shell and participated in one of the best pranks we had ever pulled on the Slytherins. We had snuck into the Slytherin common room one night after curfew, (we conveniently knew the password due to my Head Boy status) and bewitched all of the seat cushions in their common room to bite whoever got within a foot of them. We then proceeded to put a jinx at the entrance so that anyone who had been bitten and tried to walk out sprouted large elf ears. I had a difficult time trying to convince Lily that I had nothing to do with the prank and even gave Sirius a detention to try and convince her that I was innocent. Needless to say, Sirius wasn't too happy about having to serve a detention alone on account of me lying to her, but relented when I promised to let him copy my homework for a week.

Our Quidditch match later that week against Slytherin went rather well considering the fact that one of our chasers was knocked unconscious within the first ten minutes of play. Slytherin never played fair, especially against us. Gryffindor team won 290 to 170 and our seeker could not have grabbed the snitch at a better time. It was the longest match Hogwarts had seen in over fifty years. Since we were one chaser short, we were having quite a difficult time scoring and we were dead tired. We finally gained some momentum after I scored six unanswered goals in the span of twenty minutes. Our seeker then finally spotted the snitch near the Ravenclaw stands and the game was over. Lily and I were also getting along just fine and we had even begun studying together in the library if we happened to bump into each other. Truth be told, I only showed up to the library because I knew when she would be there, but I enjoyed her company just the same.

As the first Hogsmeade trip came closer, I felt more and more nervous because I wanted to ask Lily to go with me. Sure I had asked her out about a million times in the past and she had turned me down every single time, but that was before we were on speaking terms. She definitely spoke to me now, and I had a feeling she might say yes if I asked her under the new circumstances. The trip was in two days and I still hadn't asked her so the next day after charms, I finally decided I was being neurotic and began making my way towards her in the corridor with whatever Gryffindor bravery I could muster. As I got closer I heard Alice talking very rapidly and saw Lily blushing furiously. I inched a bit closer and hid behind a statue before I heard what they were saying.

"When did he ask you?" Alice demanded.

"Right before Charms. He just came up to me and asked, it was no big deal," Lily responded.

"Yes it is a big deal!" Alice shrieked. "Adam Creevey is one of the cutest boys at Hogwarts!"

"Yes he is Alice, but looks aren't everything you know. I was surprised at first when he asked me, but he's a nice guy and maybe we'll have a good time."

My heart sank. I had been so nervous and took so long to ask Lily to go to Hogsmeade with me that now she already had a date. As I saw her walk away with Alice I couldn't help but look down at the floor as I made my way towards the Great Hall for lunch.

"What's wrong with you?" Sirius asked me at the table.

"Nothing," I responded a little too angrily.

"Whoa there Prongs. What's got your knickers in a twist? I haven't seen you in such a foul mood since Snivellus hexed you in the corridor in front of everyone last year, what gives?"

"Nothing's wrong Padfoot, I'm just thinking," I lied.

"Whatever," he responded still looking at me as I began eating.

Moments later Remus and Peter sat next to us. Remus was looking very pale and on the verge of throwing up all over himself when he saw the heaps of food in front of him. I forgot that the full moon was that night. I could hear Remus, Sirius and Peter making plans for the night, but I wasn't paying too much attention to them. That day I had probably the most promising chance of having Lily say yes to me after I asked her to go to Hogsmeade with me, but I blew it. Since when was I ever nervous when asking a girl out? It was ridiculous! I had been asking girls out since my second year at Hogwarts and it had never been a problem before. I had asked Lily out at least once a week every year since fourth year and I had never been nervous then, why had I cracked when I finally got my chance? I guess it was the fact that she was actually speaking to me and we were finally friends. I loved having her as a friend but I couldn't help but think that I wanted her to be more than just that. I realized then that I didn't just have some stupid crush on her, but that I genuinely had feelings for her. My thoughts were then suddenly interrupted when Remus was waving a hand in front of me.

"Hello, Prongs, are you there? What's with you?"

"He's been acting this way since he came in, I don't know what's going on in that thick head of his," Sirius added.

"Just thinking," I responded lazily.

"So are we set for tonight then?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Alright then let's go to class then," Remus said before standing up and leading the way out of the Great Hall.

x

As we made our way back up to the common room after spending the night roaming the Forbidden Forest and in the Shrieking Shack with Remus, Sirius, Peter and I wanted nothing more than to throw ourselves on our beds. As a werewolf, Remus was never easy to contain, but if he ever caught the scent of a human, he was impossible to tame. Earlier that night the four of us made our way deep into the Forbidden Forest when we spotted a wizard in a long, black cloak walking as if he was looking for something. We rarely ever saw wizards walking in the Forbidden Forest at night, and never walking alone. Remus quickly picked up his scent before any of us did, and bolted straight towards him. Sirius was able to catch up to him and stop him before he got to the dark cloaked wizard, but it came at a cost. Remus never bit us when he was in his werewolf form, but he came close many times and last night was one of them. I was able to pin Remus down with my antlers before he bit Sirius, but Remus took a swipe at me and cut deep into my abdomen with his claws. By the time he calmed down, the dark wizard had disappeared.

I wasn't foolish enough to go to Madame Pomfrey for my injuries, afraid she would ask too many questions, but I needed to do something about the deep wound Remus had inflicted on me. As I got up to my dormitory, I headed straight towards my trunk to look for my wizard medic-kit I kept for Quidditch related injuries. The wound was deep and I couldn't see a thing in the dark dormitory. I picked up my things and headed down to the common room where there would be more light. As I stood there trying to apply the different potions on the gash, I heard a noise coming from the girl's dormitories. I tried pulling my shirt back on to hide the wound, but it was too late. In the doorway I spotted none other than Lily Evans staring at me with a look of utter confusion.

"What are you doing up at this hour of the morning?" she asked and then she looked down to my abdomen. "And what happened to you?"

"It's nothing, I just had a small accident, nothing to worry about," I responded finally pulling my shirt down and beginning to walk away.

"It doesn't look like nothing happened, why are you using your medic-kit?" she asked pulling me back.

"I said it's nothing, can we drop this?" I said starting to get annoyed.

"I'll drop it when you tell me truth," she glared at me.

"Fine. Sirius and I went out to the Quidditch pitch late last night and we got carried away. We flew a bit too close to the Whomping Willow, and it took a swipe at me. I didn't know that it had hurt me this bad until the pain became unbearable in the middle of the night," I lied trying not to look into her eyes.

"Why don't you go to Madame Pomfrey?" she asked looking a little suspicious.

"Because I can mend this on my own and because it doesn't hurt as bad as it looks," I answered smiling at her trying to hide a grimace.

"James Potter, always has to be strong," she said sarcastically.

"What are you doing up so early?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"I heard noises in the common room and figured someone was trying to sneak in or something. Instead I find you here bleeding to death."

"Very funny Evans. I think I fixed myself up pretty good; at least the bleeding's stopped. I'll see you later," I said walking away, trying to hide the pain I was still feeling in my abdomen with each step I took.

"Bye," she responded lifting an eyebrow.

x

The rest of that day was supposed to be fun. It was the first Hogsmeade trip of the term but I wasn't in any condition to enjoy it. Besides the fact that my wound had not gotten any better, but only got worse, I wasn't looking forward to watching Lily go on a date with another guy. It was my fault really. I was so scared that she would turn me down again that I just couldn't ask her out. As I lay in bed with my eyes closed, afraid to move, I heard Sirius talking to me.

"Prongs," he paused. "Hey Prongs," he repeated as he came over to my bed.

"What?" I asked with a wince of pain.

"Are you alright mate? You look a bit pale."

"I'm fine, just tired is all."

"You have to get up, Hogsmeade, remember? I'm out of supplies," he said with a small grin.

"I don't think I'm going today Padfoot. I'm just too tired," I said closing my eyes again.

"Come on Prongs, you have to go. Moony is still in the Shrieking Shack and Wormtail's no fun," he said in a voice that sounded almost whiney.

"Hey I heard that!" Peter interjected as he came into my dormitory behind Sirius.

"Well it's true. All you do is follow us around and you never even buy anything," he said to Peter scowling at him.

"I just need to rest Padfoot. Just get me some supplies too would you?"

"Alright, have it your way. Come on Wormtai,l" he said before I heard them walk out.

I was still asleep later that morning and I knew it was late when I heard a noise at my door. I figured it was either Sirius or Peter getting back early from Hogsmeade so I pretended to still be asleep. The truth was, I couldn't move. Remus had hurt me more than I thought and the gash was getting worse. The dormitory was sweltering and I could feel the sweat dripping down my face onto the bed sheets. I heard footsteps getting closer to my bed but I still didn't open my eyes. I was hoping whoever it was would just go away and leave me alone. Right as I thought that the person would turn around and walk out, I felt a cold hand on my forehead. I immediately opened my eyes and I couldn't believe who I saw standing before me.

"Lily?" I croaked.

"James you look awful and you have a high temperature. Why haven't you gone to Madame Pomfrey?" she asked, her faced etched in concern.

"It's not as bad as you think," I said trying to hide the pain talking was causing me.

"Of course it's bad. Let me take a look at that cut," she said, and before I could stop her, she lifted my shirt enough so that the wound was visible. I heard her intake of breath and then she put her hand over her mouth.

"What is it?" I asked sounding a bit worried myself.

"James the wound is getting infected, and if you don't treat it properly it's only going to get much worse. You need to get to the hospital wing," she said sounding almost frantic.

"I'll just treat it with some more potions from my medic-kit and it'll be all better," I said trying to force a smile.

"Always trying to be strong aren't you? I figured you'd say that, so I brought you this," she said putting a small bowl with yellow liquid in front of me. "It's essence of Murtlap tentacles. It should help your wound heal a bit."

I looked at her skeptically, but before I could protest, she was soaking a cloth in the liquid and placed it over the wound. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world. My body felt cooler, and I closed my eyes to take in the soothing sensations. Not only was my wound feeling much better, but Lily was sitting on my bed, in my dormitory, and we were alone. Wait a minute. Wasn't she supposed to be on a date at Hogsmeade?

"How come you're not at Hogsmeade?" I asked her as if we had been talking about it for a while.

"Well, I did go, but then I came back early," she said blushing slightly.

"And why did you come back early? Did your date go bad or something?" I asked. I just couldn't help it. I had to ask about her date and I really hoped it had gone horribly wrong.

"My date was fine. I just wanted to come back early."

"How did you know I was here then?" I asked looking at her as she looked down at the ground.

"Well, I saw Sirius and Peter at Hogsmeade and I didn't see you or Remus with them. At first I thought that you two were off doing something else when I spotted Remus walking away from the fence surrounding the Shrieking Shack and he was alone," she said as she got up. "I thought it was odd that you weren't anywhere to be seen so I was curious because of what I saw earlier this morning," she said blushing fiercely.

"You broke your date to come check on me didn't you?" I asked sounding a little too surprised and a little too hopeful.

"I didn't break my date, and if I had broken it, it wouldn't have been for you. We walked around most of the shops and I was getting bored so I told Adam I was coming back to the castle. I stopped by the apothecary to pick up some stuff for my personal inventory anyway, so I picked up a few extra things and mixed this just in case. You could never have too many Murtlap tentacles," she said matter-of-factly. "I then decided to come up here and see how you were doing since you were no where else in the castle. I mean, what would I do without a Head Boy to share the duties with?" she ended laughing nervously and sitting back down on my bed.

I looked at her with the utmost surprise for a moment before I realized what I was doing, so I cleared my throat and tried to sit up. I winced a little at the pain but the essence of murtlap was making it much better. Lily instinctively held my arm with a worried expression on her beautiful face.

"I'm fine, no need to worry."

"Why can't you ever admit it when you're hurt? Do you always act this way or are you trying to impress me?"

"If I've learned anything over the past couple of years it's that you're very difficult to impress," I said trying to laugh without inflicting too much pain on myself.

She glared at me for a second before laughing too.

"Well, you haven't exactly done much to impress me have you?"

"What do you mean I haven't done much to impress you? What do you call pulling off the best pranks this school has ever seen? And what about Quidditch? You have to admit I'm pretty good out there."

"That doesn't impress me James. The pranks only make me think less of you, and like I've told you, I'm not very interested in Quidditch," she said with a more serious tone in her voice.

"Why do the pranks make you think less of me?"

"Because I know you do it to show off. I would think that a guy like you wouldn't need to show off that much. I mean, you already have the attention of every girl in school and every guy wants to be just like you. What else do you want?"

"I don't have every girl's attention," I said quietly looking straight into her eyes.

"You certainly do have my attention James, but I don't think it's the type of attention you want from me," she said slowly getting up from the bed. "I hope the murtlap helped. Apply it at least twice a day and if it doesn't get better by Monday I'm telling Madame Pomfrey. I'll see you later."

"Bye," I said looking at her walk out the door. She was amazing. She could have said whatever she wanted, but I knew she broke her date for me. Why else would she come into my dormitory by herself? Whatever her reasons, I learned something very valuable that day. She definitely cared about me and I had being going about getting her attention all wrong. I needed to prove to her that I was serious. Lily was going to see a side of me that not even Sirius had seen before.

* * *

Liked it? Hated it? Thought it was just okay? Please review! 


	7. Friends

A huge thanks to those of you who have reviewed so far!

x

I own nothing. Every character mentioned here came from the genius mind of JK Rowling and her wonderful series. :-)

* * *

**Friends**

Hogwarts was great. It was getting close to the end of the first term and I don't think I had ever had such a fantastic year before. After the whole wound and murtlap incident, Lily and I had become closer than ever. Remus of course felt awful for having hurt me so seriously, but I couldn't blame him. He wasn't himself when he was a werewolf and I made sure he didn't feel bad about it. Since then, life had been great. The Marauders were pulling off one good prank after another and we were having the time of our lives. The Quidditch team was better than ever and Gryffindor was all but assured the Quidditch Cup for the third year running. I was also working harder in my classes and was amongst those at the top of the year with grades that rivaled only those of Lily Evans.

Lily.

Wow, just thinking about her name made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I still hadn't made my move to ask her out, but who could blame me? I had unsuccessfully asked her out for the past couple of years and now that we were friends, I didn't want to spoil feeling I got when I was around her. This whole _friends _thing came as a shock to both of us that year and I was afraid to ruin it like I was so keen on doing with anything that I really cared about. I still wasn't sure how she felt about me because although we had gotten really close, I occasionally spotted her talking and spending time with Adam Creevey in the corridors before and after lessons. I automatically assumed the worst of course, thinking that they were already engaged and making plans to have children, but I'm sure she would have told me about something that important. I mean, I was her friend, right? I knew they were going to the next Hogsmeade trip together because she felt bad about leaving him the previous time, but I wasn't sure if she really liked him or not. I contemplated following her around under my invisibility cloak but I knew that I could never live with myself if she ever found out about it. I didn't go ahead with my plan perhaps because she still didn't exactly trust me so much as to share that type of information with me, and getting caught under an invisibility cloak was not the fastest way to gain Lily's trust.

Whatever the situation was between her and Adam, I was losing sleep over it and it was becoming very difficult to hide it from the other Marauders. They knew me better than I knew myself, but I couldn't tell them what I was feeling. Peter didn't know much about girls because he was too shy to ever approach them. Remus didn't date much either because of his paranoia over his condition, and Sirius went through girls like he went through pieces of parchment in History of Magic. They were definitely not the type of people I could ask for advice when it came to girls, hence leaving me completely on my own. To make matters worse (or better?), I had to spend an excessive amount of time alone in the common room with Lily for our weekly Head meetings. It was great being able to talk to her like a normal person, because I knew she was finally getting to know the real me instead of the arrogant kid who went around hexing every Slytherin in sight. Other times spending time alone with her made me really uncomfortable because all I ever wanted to do was tell her exactly how I felt. Of course in my mind I had played out the entire scenario where I told her how I felt and she leapt into my arms telling me she felt the same way and had felt that way for years. We would then share a passionate kiss as she ran her fingers through my hair, and then we walked away towards the sunset. Hey, it could happen. I just had to find out how she felt about me. What if I asked her out and she got mad? What if she accused me of trying to become her friend to get her to go out with me? I couldn't have that. I had worked too hard to become her friend to mess it all up that easily. My emotions were going to have to take a backseat to our friendship for the moment. Gosh what was she doing to me!

One particular night in late November Lily and I were in the common room planning out the next Hogsmeade meeting and new corridor patrolling schedules for the prefects. It was a normal conversation between a typical Head Boy and Head Girl, but I began to notice that she was a bit fidgety. I decided to take the conversation in a new direction by asking her questions about her life back home. It started out simple enough, but it soon got very complicated.

"So what were you like as a kid?" I asked leaning back against the sofa.

"I was very shy. I don't think I ever did anything out of the ordinary… I was very dull come to think of it," she answered looking thoughtful.

"You never got into any trouble?"

"No," she said blushing. "How about you, were you always a troublemaker?"

"The worst troublemaker," I said with a smile as flashbacks from my childhood came into my mind. I was an awful, awful child. "My parents decided early on I was probably going to have to be home schooled because they were afraid of what I might do at any public or private school," I told her laughing. "Ultimately though, they decided against better judgment and sent me to a private school anyway."

"Somehow it doesn't surprise me that you were a trouble maker," she said holding back her laughter. "Do you have any siblings?"

"Um, no," I said trying to hide the lump that had just developed in my throat. I hated talking about my family. "I only have Sirius, he's practically my brother. He's been living with me since the summer before our sixth year. How about you, do you have any siblings?" I asked frantically trying to take the attention away from myself.

"I have an older sister. Petunia," she answered pursing her lips.

"I take it you don't get along with her very well?" I asked.

"We used to be very close when we were kids, but everything changed the day I got my Hogwarts letter."

"How come?"

"Well, she thought she would get a letter in the mail too but when it never arrived, she got this idea that I was some sort of freak because I could do magic. My parents always told her that I wouldn't change once I came to Hogwarts and that I was still the same person, but she refused to have anything to do with me," she said looking away from me.

"Have your parents been able to change her mind since?"

"No. They died in a car crash in my second year," she said trying to hold back her tears. "When my parents died I thought things would be different between us. I thought that maybe Petunia would learn to accept me for what I am, but she only hated me more."

"I'm sorry for asking Lily. I didn't know," I said feeling terrible for bringing it up.

"Don't be sorry. It happened a long time ago."

"I bet you still miss them a lot."

"I do. It hurts too, but I've learned to deal with it over the years. You'll get there too one day," she said suddenly looking straight into my eyes.

I quickly looked down to avert her gaze.

"James, it's okay to feel pain. When my parents died I couldn't even bring myself to continue going to lessons but I knew I had to. You seem to be handling it very well as far as I can tell."

"Some days are better than others, but it's gotten much better overall. I have great friends to keep me in high spirits all the time so it's easy to forget about it sometimes."

"You shouldn't forget James. It's okay to remember them and what happened. It helps the healing process."

"I don't need to try and remember what happened. The Dark Mark above our house is still very fresh in my mind," I said with a bitter tone. She must have sensed this because she shifted a bit and slowly got up.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"You didn't do anything wrong," I said with a fake smile. The last thing I needed was to break down in front of her. What would she think of me? After all I was James Potter. Wild, strong, brave, outgoing James Potter. "It's late; we should probably call it a night," I said with finality in my voice.

"I guess you're right."

I slowly stood up and began to walk away when she caught my arm.

"If you need to talk about it when you're ready, I'll be here James," she said with a look of concern.

I don't know what made me do it, but the sincerity in her voice was just too much to handle. I had more feelings running through me at that moment than I had ever had in my entire life. I quickly closed the gap between us and enveloped her in my arms as if I would never see her again. We remained that way for a few seconds before I tore myself away from her and placed a kiss on her forehead. No matter what I told her, she could still see right through me somehow. I never really told anyone what I felt after I found my parents dead at our house. I figured everyone had enough common sense to know what I would be feeling, but then there was the unfortunate incident concerning my older brother that occurred when I was eight years old. I never told anyone at Hogwarts except for the Marauders about my brother's death, and the memory of that haunted me everyday. I had never talked about my feelings about that with anybody; not even Sirius. It was something I never wanted to remember. Although we were best friends, Sirius and I never talked about stuff that messed with our emotions. My feelings were my own, and I didn't want anyone to know exactly how I felt. Sirius was the same way. Being in the common room with Lily however, changed something in me. I felt like I could really talk to her; tell her everything I was feeling because it was the most amazing feeling in the world to have her in my arms. I could have stayed like that forever but I could sense she was in shock by my sudden burst of emotion. I silently walked away from her and went up to my dormitory with thoughts of her and what had just happened. I was definitely going to have trouble sleeping.

* * *

Like it? Hate it? Thought it was just okay? Please, please review! 


	8. Holidays at Hogwarts

I own nothing, if I did, I wouldn't be posting it here. :-)

x

**A/N:** A million apologies for not updating in what seems like years (not that many people care anyway). I havea couplemore chapters written out already, but since most of my stories got deleted from here, I haven't been onthis sitelately. I'll be posting at least 3 more chapters in the next week, so look out for those!

* * *

**Holidays at Hogwarts**

As the first term came to an end, and as everyone around me spread their holiday cheer, I was to be found in the library trying to hide my anxiety over the Christmas that I was inevitably going to have to face. It was the first holiday season without my parents, and Sirius seemed to have been feeling the same way. He didn't ask too many questions when he noticed I began spending more time alone, and I appreciated his actions a lot. I had a great deal to think about at the time, but I didn't want anyone else to know how badly I was hurting inside. I chose to stay at Hogwarts for the holiday because I couldn't bring myself to go back home. It would be too hard to stay in an empty house full of memories of a once happy family. Sirius had no objections to it seeing as how it would be the first time we would be spending time in Hogwarts without having to go to classes. This of course meant that we would have plenty of time to plan many new pranks for the new term which would in turn keep me occupied and keep me from thinking about my parents.

Lily and I were in the library one evening going over the Gryffindor list of students who would be staying over the holiday, and right when I was about to move on to the Slytherin list, I noticed that Lily's name was the last name Gryffindors staying. I looked at her for a moment as she was looking over the list for Ravenclaw list and then interrupted her.

"How come you're not going home for Christmas?"

She looked surprised at my sudden inquiry and then looked down at the list I was holding.

"I didn't want to go home this year," she said with a tone of indifference.

"How come?" I pressed.

"Because my sister and her awful fiancé will be there and I don't want to deal with them."

"Does her fiancé know you're a witch?"

She looked a bit surprised by my question before answering. "Unfortunately, yes. He found out by accident last summer when I left some of my school books out in the dining room and he's just like my sister, if not worse. He treats me like I'm some sort of freak and Petunia never does anything to stop him from insulting me," she said sounding a bit angry.

"Well, who needs them, right? I bet Hogwarts is a lot more fun during the holidays than having to spend the time at home. Just think. We can do all the magic we want, and we have the entire castle practically to ourselves. It's a Marauder's dream come true really," I said with a broad grin.

She laughed a little just then and slowly got up.

"I guess it should be fun. At least I won't be here alone. Are all of your friends staying?"

"No, just Sirius, Remus and I. Peter's mum can't bear being away from him for so long. He begged and pleaded for her to let him stay, but she just didn't think it was wise. Poor bloke."

"Alice was forced to go home too. Her mother is really ill and she needs to go spend time with her."

"Well then you're welcome to join us in our activities anytime," I said with a voice that sounded a bit too eager.

"Maybe I'll take you up on that offer. I'll see you later."

"Bye," I said watching her walk away.

xxx

Lily Evans had just agreed to spend time with us over the holiday. Did I imagine that entire conversation or did she really just agree to it? Never in a million years would I have imagined that Lily Evans would want to willingly spend time with the Marauders. She was already friends with Remus because they had been prefects together, but anytime she saw the rest of us, she immediately went in the opposite direction as to steer clear of us. All those years she avoided me on purpose to get away from me, and now she was actually agreeing to spend time with me and my friends? I still couldn't believe my luck.

A few days before Christmas the other Marauder's and I found ourselves walking out of the castle to join Remus at the Shrieking Shack. It was a night like every other, but instead of roaming the grounds or the Forbidden Forest, we stayed in the confines of the Shack. Remus and Sirius were playing around on the ground trying to pin each other down while Peter was asleep on top of a broken stool. I was sprawled out on the floor on the opposite end of the room thinking about everything that had happened to me that year. Everything was so different. I was different. I couldn't explain it, but I had changed more than I thought was possible. If my father could have seen me, he would have been proud. Although I hadn't lost my sense of humor, I had definitely grown up a lot this year. I was taking my duties as Head Boy very seriously, and I was working a lot harder in my classes.

Lily had definitely noticed the change because she no longer felt uncomfortable around me. She and her best friend Alice would often join us during meals and we often had long conversations that nearly made us late to class on more than one occasion. Besides becoming my friend, Lily had become quite close to Remus and they often studied together while Sirius and I were at Quidditch practice. Sirius was warming up to the idea of becoming friends with a girl, while Peter still seemed very shy around her and almost reluctant to speak to her sometimes. Lily and I would often walk to our classes together, and we also spent a lot of time just talking in the common room after doing our homework. We often told each other stories about our childhoods and stories about our summer vacations. I hated talking about my childhood so I always had stories to tell her about the Marauders and the different pranks we pulled around the castle when we were supposed to be in our dormitories. At first she was a bit taken aback because we had broken an incredible amount of rules over the years, but she then began to laugh at some of the stuff we did. I also told her a lot about myself, being careful to leave out some less than perfect facts about my childhood, and I told her about my plans to become an auror after Hogwarts.

I learned a lot about Lily that year and I was getting to know her in a way I never imagined. I discovered that she wanted to be a healer after Hogwarts, and that she was planning on getting her own flat right after graduation too. She lived with her aunt and sister during the summer break, but she hated living there with them. Her aunt was a bit more tolerable about magic than her sister, but she still didn't like to see anything magic related around her house. Lily wasn't allowed to receive owls from her friends because it made her sister uncomfortable, and she wasn't even allowed to receive any news from the wizarding world unless it pertained to school. Lily's parents had been very proud of her for being a witch and their support for her only made her sister jealous. After her parents died, Lily's sister stopped speaking to her altogether and it pained Lily to live like that because she still loved her. Overall, Lily's life as a muggle was quite miserable, much to my surprise.

Sirius began noticing the way I stared at Lily when she wasn't looking and he teased me about it every chance he got. Remus I think understood the situation a little better and was always willing to talk about it while Peter often pretended that nothing was going on. I had the feeling he didn't like talking about Lily and I of course, didn't like to talk about it much either; at least not with them. As much as I liked Lily, I wasn't prepared to talk about my feelings towards her with my friends. Sirius would have a heart attack the day I began sharing my feelings, and I for one wasn't going to do that to him. It was an understanding that we had between us. A pact. We came to this understanding early in our friendship when I caught him crying in our first year at Hogwarts after his parents sent him a nasty howler telling him he was a disgrace to the Black family for landing himself in Gryffindor. He tried to wipe away the tears as I walked in, but I knew what had happened. I didn't embarrass him by trying to talk to him about it; I simply began talking to him about Quidditch to change the atmosphere and he had been forever grateful.

xxx

Christmas had finally come upon us and the weather outside mirrored my mood. There was a terrible blizzard when I woke up that morning and I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed until the day was over. I hated Christmas more than ever that year. Unfortunately, Sirius had other plans, and he was not going to allow me to wallow in self pity on Christmas day. I got a rude awakening from him when he snuck into my room and jumped onto my bed as Padfoot and began licking my face. I had a hard time getting him off me before I finally pinned him down to the ground and he transformed back into Sirius. He was laughing at me as he had left my head entirely wet. I quickly washed up before going down to the common room to open my presents with the other Marauders.

As I reached the bottom of the stairs, I noticed that Lily was talking very animatedly with Remus. Her hair was left completely loose and it was amazing how it fell on her shoulders. When Remus saw me walk into the common room, she also turned around and smiled at me.

"Good morning, we didn't think you were going to make it," she said pleasantly.

"I had a bit of a hard time getting up, but I'm here now, right? Let's open some presents!" I said trying to sound cheerful.

Sirius gave me a concerned look, but I shrugged it off and began to open my presents. Peter got me a box with assorted sweets, while Remus gave me the latest Quidditch strategy book by Kennilworthy Whisp. Sirius gave me a new broom servicing kit along with a bag full of assorted items from Zonko's Joke Shop. I gave him a devilish grin before opening a small package that I almost overlooked. As I began to read the name on the card, I hoped that I wasn't showing my surprise. The present was from Lily. Sure, we had become close friends since the beginning of the term, but I didn't really expect her to get me anything for Christmas. As I tore away the wrapping paper, I was taken aback by what she gave me. It was a necklace with a small crystal in the shape of a shield with many different signs and symbols on it. I opened the small note that was enclosed with the crystal and read: "_To the world's greatest auror to be._" It was a very thoughtful gift and I couldn't help but ask myself why she had given to me such a thing. I looked at her in awe of what I was holding in my hands and she simply smiled at me. Remus gave me an inquiring look just then, and I quickly pocketed the gift and asked him what he had gotten from everybody else. Once everyone had opened their presents, Sirius and Remus ran up to their dormitories to pack away all of their things. Lily was about to go to her dormitory when I stopped her.

"Lily, I haven't given you your present yet."

"Oh James, you really didn't have to get me anything," she told me as a blush crept up her neck.

"Of course I did. It's not as good as what you got me, but I thought you might like it," I said handing her a small package. After what she had gotten me, I didn't' feel that my gift was suitable. I had bought her a small charm bracelet that was specific for storing several charms that might be needed in case of emergencies. It looked suitable when I bought it for her on the last Hogsmeade trip because I knew she loved charms, but at that moment I wish I would have gotten her something more expensive and much more thoughtful. As she opened the small box, I saw a huge grin spread across her face.

"James, I love it!" she yelled leaping up and enveloping me in a hug. I was speechless. She had caught me so completely off guard that it took me a couple of seconds to hug her back. When she broke away, she looked up at me with those gorgeous green eyes. "Thank you," she said staring at me in a way that I would never forget. I could have stayed that way forever. She was stunning and she was possibly the most compassionate person I ever knew. At that moment, I felt an overwhelming need to hold her in my arms again. I wanted to tell her how I felt about her, I wanted to kiss her. I leaned a bit closer to her and just as I was about to do what I had been thinking of doing for years, Sirius and Remus walked into the common room laughing loudly. I quickly took a step away from her, and she smiled at me.

"Hey Prongs, you ready to go down to breakfast?"

"Yeah, let me just put my stuff away. I'll meet you guys down there."

"Alright," Sirius said before they walked out of the portrait hole.

"Let me take my things up to my dormitory too, and we'll walk down together," Lily said to me.

"Okay," I responded in a small voice as I turned around I ran up the stairs taking them two at a time. I was so close to kissing her that I felt her breath on my face. What if she had gotten mad at me? I was losing it. I had never worried so much about kissing a girl as I had with Lily. If Sirius ever found out, it would have cost me my reputation. When I got back down to the common room, Lily was already standing there waiting for me.

"Sorry I took so long," I said looking at her.

"It's okay, let's go, I'm starving."

"Thank you for the necklace, it's brilliant"

"Don't mention it. I thought you might find it useful when you become an auror," she said modestly.

"Not just any auror, the 'world's best auror to be,'" I said in a mock Lily voice.

I smiled at her as she smiled back at me and I pulled her into a hug in the middle of the corridor out of sheer happiness. She was slightly taken aback by my sudden actions, but then I felt her small arms wrap themselves around my waist. She stared at me for a few seconds before looking up at the ceiling and giggling at something above my head.

"Uh-oh," she said.

"What?" I asked her.

She pointed up and whispered, "Mistletoe."

I looked up at the ceiling and then back down at her thanking every god I could think of for putting me in that situation. Her eyes were glazed over as she continued to look straight up into mine. All those feelings I had earlier in the common room came rushing back to me as I looked at those beautiful emerald orbs. Life around us seized to exist when I finally bent over, my face only inches away from hers. I felt her warm breath on my cheeks as I leaned in closer still, when our lips finally met. It was a very soft, tentative kiss and I could sense she was taken aback at first, but then relaxed into my embrace. As I was about to pull away from her, she reached up and put her arms around my neck. She was amazing. That moment was exactly how I always hoped it would be and much, much more. The kiss lasted about a minute before both of us drew away from each other and smiled. She then began to walk towards the Great Hall, whereas I remained rooted to the spot. I was still in complete shock and unable to speak or even move.

"You coming?" she asked, blushing beet red.

I looked at her and nodded with what I hoped wasn't a goofy grin. Seeing that I was still unable to move, she reached out, grabbed my hand, and led me towards the Great Hall.

* * *

Not the greatest of chapters, but eh, feedback would be appreciated. 

Liked it? Hated it? Thought it was just okay? Please review!


	9. Black Letters

JKR thought of it first. I own nothing. If I did, I wouldn't be posting it here. :-)

* * *

**Black Letters**

The days following Christmas were some of the happiest moments I had ever spent at Hogwarts. Although neither Lily nor I mentioned the mistletoe incident to anyone else, we had definitely become closer, casually holding hands when no one was looking and stealing quick kisses in between. I wasn't sure what was going on between us, but I didn't question it. I finally had the girl of my dreams. Unofficially anyway; we still hadn't talked about our unusual arrangement. Was she expecting me to ask her to be my girlfriend? Was it implied by our new actions? I wasn't quite sure, but I was determined to find out. Two days before the other students were scheduled to return from their holiday, I mustered all of the Gryffindor bravery I could manage, and decided to ask Lily if she would like to eat breakfast alone with me. It was the first step in what I considered the hardest thing I was going to do that year considering I hadn't asked her out since the end of sixth year. As I approached her in the common room, I swallowed the huge lump in my throat and went for it.

"Hey Lily," I said so that she barely heard me.

"Hi James," she beamed.

"Hi, um, I was wondering if you would like to join me for breakfast today. You know, just us two?" I asked with what I hoped was my most fake confident voice.

"Of course, I'd love to!" she responded enthusiastically.

"Great, shall we walk down there now?" I asked not knowing what else to say. Why was this so hard? I had asked tonnes of girls out before! Why was asking this one girl so difficult!

"Sure, let me just grab a jumper from upstairs. I'll be right back," she said smiling and turning toward the opposite side of the common room.

I let out a huge breath I wasn't even aware I was holding the moment she disappeared up the staircase, and I felt like a bag of brick had been lifted from my shoulders. I berated myself to calm down, but it was nearly impossible. I was finally getting along with Lily Evans the way I always wanted and I just wasn't sure what to make of it. Although I was no stranger to dating, I had never dated a girl I cared about so much. Lily was unique, and I wanted everything to go right with her. I decided at that moment that I was officially going to ask Lily to be my girlfriend for what I hoped was the last time.

"Hey Prongs, ready to go down to breakfast?" Sirius asked coming up behind me and breaking me out of my reverie.

I stared at him for a moment, not quite sure why he was there, when I remembered I was still in the common room, waiting for Lily.

"About breakfast," I stumbled. "I sort of made plans to spend some time with Lily. Could…."

"What?" he interrupted. "Since when do you eat breakfast with her and not us?" he asked looking confused.

"Since I asked her if she would like to join me today," I said trying to sound cool and confident about it.

"Leave him alone Padfoot, he has his reasons," Remus said smiling at me in a knowing way and grabbing hold of Sirius' robes.

"So are you two dating now or something?" Sirius asked trying to get away from Remus' grasp.

"No," I said a little too eagerly.

"Then you wouldn't mind if we joined you then?" Sirius asked with an evil smirk.

"Yes I would mind you prat," I responded punching him hard on the shoulder.

"Alright, alright, no need to get violent," he said laughing and rubbing his arm. "We'll leave you alone if you promise to tell us all the intimate details afterwards," Sirius said trying to control the huge smile that was threatening to form on his face.

"Padfoot, you dog!" Remus said laughing hysterically now. "We'll get off your back. Have fun!" He said right before pushing Sirius out through the portrait hole.

"What are you scowling at?" Lily suddenly asked behind me.

"Nothing," I said shrugging.

"That doesn't sound like nothing," she said raising an eyebrow.

"Let's just say that my best friends are total gits," I said smiling at her.

"I see. Let me guess, they laughed at you for asking me to eat breakfast with you?"

"Yeah," I responded blushing a little bit.

"Boys," she muttered before grabbing hold of my arm and dragging me out through the portrait hole.

xx

Our first breakfast as an unofficial couple started out impressively. Lily and I talked much the way we always did, occasionally laughing so hard one of us ended up showering the other with pumpkin juice. I was in the middle of telling her a particularly funny story about the time Sirius and I had snuck into Filch's office after hours, when the morning post arrived. Lily got the Daily Prophet as usual, but when I looked up and saw what was on the front page, I knew that day would change our relationship forever. As soon as the owl placed the paper in front of us, the image of the Dark Mark hovering over a flattened building brought back some of my worst childhood memories. The headline that read: **Muggle and Wizard Schools the Latest Target of You-Know-Who**, made the situation much worse. I continued to read a few sentences from the article, when more owls swooped into the Great Hall carrying black letters and placing them in front of a few students in Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. I knew exactly what those black letters meant. I felt myself go completely still, and I saw Lily staring at me with a confused expression on her face. From the corner of my eye I also saw a very concerned Sirius quickly making his way towards me from the opposite end of the Gryffindor table. I knew exactly what he was doing, so I quickly got up and ran as fast as I could towards my dormitory, leaving Lily behind without saying a word to her.

When I finally reached my dormitory, I yelled out whatever sealing and locking charms I could think of. Moments later, I heard Sirius pounding at my door wanting to come in. I on the other hand, just wanted him to go away. I put a silencing charm on the room and threw myself on the bed fighting back the tears. I did not want to cry, but the black letters and the Dark Mark were just all too familiar.

When I was eight years old, my older brother Jason and I were best friends. He was two years older than I was, but he always treated me as an equal. One afternoon, a week before Christmas, my father was attempting to teach me the finer points of wizard's chess after I got home from school. As if on cue, an owl came swooping into our living room carrying the black letter that was to haunt me for the rest of my life. I saw the shock and realization in my father's eyes but I didn't understand what it all meant at the time. I saw him slowly get up to call for my mother while I tried to get his attention, unsure of why he looked so panicked. When my mother came down the stairs and looked at the letter in my father's hands, she immediately fell to her knees and began to scream in a way that I can still hear every night before I go to sleep. I didn't know what was going on when I asked my father what the black letter was for and why it was making my mother cry. He looked at me as if noticing me for the first time and I saw the tears running down the side of his face. He knelt down beside me and told me that there had been an accident at Jason's school. I of course didn't understand what was going on because we both went to different schools and couldn't possibly imagine anything bad happening there. My mother at that point was holding on to the black letter as she wept loudly while pounding her fists on the hard wooden floor. My father then tried explaining to me that some bad wizards had somehow gotten into Jason's school in search for a certain witch that was teaching there. What he told me next changed my outlook on life forever. It turned out that the dark wizards that attacked my brother's school were the beginning of a group that would later be called Death Eaters. They were searching for a witch that had witnessed an act that my father didn't think I would understand at the time. My brother and his classmates had been in the wrong place at the wrong time when the wizards attacked the witch in the middle of a lesson. That single incident for years remained as one of the most brutal events in wizard history; that was until Voldemort began to gain power throughout the wizarding and muggle communities.

Seeing the black letters that day brought back all of those frightful memories I had tried to put at the back of my mind for years. Losing my older brother had been the hardest thing I ever had to face; losing my parents in that summer proved to be just as painful. Staring down at the Dark Mark hovering over the muggle school in the Daily Prophet made me angry. How could one wizard be so cruel? How could one wizard inflict so much pain over so many innocent people? At that point, I lost all composure and I began to do what I had not done since the news of my brother's death. I cried and I screamed, and I kicked. I just couldn't take it anymore. After my parents died, I only shed a few solitary tears but I never really let it all out. It was the first time I realized that I was all alone. It finally dawned on me that I had no family left. The pain was just too unbearable.

xx

I must have fallen asleep after my tantrum because when I awoke, it was dark outside. It took a moment for me remember the events of that day and when it hit me, my heart sank. As I got up from my bed, my body ached and I felt as if my insides were trying to devour themselves. I sat down on the chair by my desk, put my elbows on my knees and rested my head in my hands. I stayed that way for a few minutes when I heard a click at my door, and then the sound of someone walking in.

"James?"

It was Lily. I didn't respond at first because I didn't want her to see the state that I was in.

"What do you want?" I asked her in a raspy voice.

"Are you alright? I'm worried about the way you ran out earlier," she said in a sympathetic tone.

"I'm fine, I just want to be alone," I said monotonously.

"James, you're not alright. Look at yourself," she said taking a seat on the floor next to my chair.

"You shouldn't be here. Just leave me alone," I said to her standing up and walking towards the window.

"James, please talk to me," she said in a pleading voice.

"There's nothing to talk about, alright?"

"Please James."

"What do you want from me?" I asked her raising my voice and turning around to look at her.

"I want you to talk to me" she responded as she slowly got up.

"I said there was nothing to talk about."

"Then why did you run away and lock yourself in this room all afternoon?"

"I had to be alone," I countered through gritted teeth. I didn't want to be mad at her, but her questions were irritating me. "Now please leave before I do or say something I'll regret later."

"I just want to know what's wrong. Sirius wouldn't tell me anything and neither would Remus," she said with tears in her eyes.

"You want to know what's wrong? Fine!" I yelled throwing my arms up in the air in frustration. "My life is falling apart right now, okay Lily! Some stupid wizard is going around killing innocent people without a second thought trying to prove he's all powerful! And that bloody Dark Mark he leaves behind! Don't even get me started on what that thing does to me! That bloody Dark Mark haunts me in my dreams! Ever since I got home that night and found my parents dead in their bedroom I have nightmares about it! I have no one left in my family and that stupid mark in the Daily Prophet each time somebody dies is a bloody reminder of one of the worst moments of my life!" I screamed at her as I got closer. "And those letters! Oh let me tell you something about those stupid letters! Do you know what it feels like to receive one of those damned things and find out that your best friend, the person you look up to most, your only brother is dead! Do you!"

She was clearly afraid of me at the moment because she was cowering back towards the wall, but I didn't care. She was asking too many questions she shouldn't have been asking and I couldn't handle it anymore. I wanted her to leave, but she refused. I realized that I didn't have to yell at her but she had no right asking so many questions. For years I had bottled up my emotions and at that moment they came out all at once. It was unfortunate that Lily had to be at the other end of my ranting but she had instigated something that was just waiting to come out. She looked at me with tears in her eyes, and she quickly closed the gap between us. She then put her hands on my face and began wiping away my tears. A strange sensation swept over me at that moment and I could no longer hold on to whatever composure I had left. All the walls I had put up around me over the years were coming down in front of her and as if she sensed it, she pulled me closer to her and held me tight. All the tears I had bottled up since my parent's death came storming out at that moment in her arms. I sobbed loudly into her shoulder but she only held on tighter as if afraid to lose me. As I cried my eyes out in her arms, I became very weak and I couldn't remain standing anymore. Sensing this, she began leading me slowly towards the floor until we were both on our knees holding on to each other as if there wasn't anybody else in the world. I don't know how long we remained that way but by the time I stopped crying, my head hurt and I felt sick to my stomach. I tore away from her embrace and leaned back against the wall as I closed my eyes. She sat next to me on the floor and put her head on my chest without saying a word. The events of the day had taken a toll on me and I found myself once more drifting into sleep.

* * *

**A/N:** Next chappie coming by Friday.

Liked it? Hated it? Thought it was just okay? Please review!


	10. New Relations

JKR thought of it first. I own nothing. If I did, I wouldn't be posting it here. :-)

* * *

**New Relations**

When I woke up the following morning, I felt as if my eyes had been pulled out of their sockets and had had a sledgehammer to the side of my head. When I tried to move, I felt something, or someone, holding me down with their weight. I slowly opened my eyes, and realized that it was Lily. The events of the previous night came rushing back to me as soon as I saw those perfect red locks spread across my chest, and I realized that I had made a complete fool of myself in front of her. I pounded the back of my head against the wall behind me in frustration and I cursed myself for letting my emotions get the best of me. At that moment, Lily began to stir, and when she opened her emerald eyes, she looked confused. When she finally looked up at me, she smiled that beautiful smile I loved. She was stunning any time of day and I couldn't believe that I had just spent an entire night with her.

"Good morning," she said, her voice groggy.

"Morning," I responded in a hoarse whisper.

"How are you feeling?" she asked tentatively as she pulled her hair behind her ears.

"Stupid," I bluntly responded.

"Why?" she said lifting her head a little more to look me straight in the eyes.

"Because I let my emotions get the best of me. I'm sorry about anything that I said or did last night. I shouldn't have put you through that," I said averting her gaze.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," she said putting her hand on my cheek and forcing me to look at her. "What happened last night was what anyone would have done in your position. If you yelled at me, it was because I provoked you."

"You did nothing wrong. I should have never yelled at you," I said with a frustrated tone.

"It's alright James. What matters is that you're okay. You had us all worried. Sirius was throwing every hex and curse at your door and at anyone who tried to stop him. He was really afraid of what you might have done and Remus was about ready to blast the door open if you didn't respond," she said looking into my eyes.

"If neither Sirius nor Remus could get in, how did you manage it?" I asked, remembering about the locking charms I had thrown at my door.

"Well, I don't have the highest marks in Charms for nothing, do I? It took me a bit, but I finally figured out what charms you used to lock that door."

"You did that while they were both out there?" I asked amazed at her bravery. Sirius and Remus could be pretty tough to handle when they were rattled, and they wouldn't have taken it lightly if they had been shown up by a girl.

"No, they gave up after an hour. Sirius said something about trying to fly up to your window on his broom, but Professor McGonagall stopped him after she came into the common room. She said the racket those two were making could be heard down to the teacher's lounge."

There was an awkward silence in which both of us simply sat there looking at each other. I looked down at her hands, and intertwined my fingers with hers. "Thank you for last night. I know I made a complete fool of myself in front of you."

"I was worried about you. The look on your face after breakfast was enough to send me into a panic. I'm just glad to know that there's more to you than that brick wall you keep around yourself," she said tightening her grip on my hand.

"I suppose that after seeing me like that you don't want anything to do with a sobbing baby then?" I asked with some concern.

"Why would you think that?"

"Well I didn't exactly act in a Gryffindor manner last night."

"You acted human last night. That's all anyone could ask of you."

I let her words sink in for a few moments before I finally decided to do it. I took in a deep breath and hoped for the best.

"Then you wouldn't mind becoming my girlfriend?" I boldly asked.

"I would have been disappointed if you didn't ask," she responded smiling at me and clutching my hand even tighter.

I was speechless. There I was ready to give up any hope that Lily would ever want to be with me, when there she was accepting my proposition. I felt happy, yet annoyed at the fact that I was too much of a coward to tell her how I felt sooner.

"Lily, I …."

Before I could say anything, she put her finger on my lips to silence me and then gently placed her lips on mine. It was the greatest feeling in the world to be there with her. All of the events from the prior day were distant memories. The only thing that mattered was that Lily was in my arms, and I was in hers. As we broke apart, I looked straight into her emerald eyes as she looked straight back at mine.

"You have no idea how long I've waited for this moment," I told her opening my eyes.

"About four years?" she asked smiling.

"Try six," I responded with a smile before pulling her back into my arms and meeting my lips with hers again. She did odd things to me. She was probably the most wonderful person I had ever met and she only proved to be better than that with each passing day.

xx

By the time classes resumed, the atmosphere had changed considerably around Hogwarts. News of more killings quickly spread while more and more black letters arrived with the post each morning. Each time a black letter arrived, Sirius, Remus, Peter and Lily would share meaningful glances with each other before getting my attention and picking up a conversation with me. It was getting really frustrating considering the fact that I felt like they were treating me like some fragile porcelain doll that could break with any wrong movement. Still, I was glad that they cared.

Since the holiday, Lily and I had become nearly inseparable, and although I never officially announced to the Marauders that she was my girlfriend, they knew that our relationship was now beyond the bounds of friendship because of the amount of time we spent alone together. Remus was very happy for me because he knew that my feelings towards her were genuine. Sirius made fun of me for a few days before giving up and finally accepting the situation for what it was, while Peter tried his best to try and get to know her. Head meetings in the common room after curfew soon became snogging sessions and I was always surprised that we ever got any work done. In other words, I was in heaven. As Lily and I got closer, it was also getting harder to keep secrets from her. I knew I should have been able to trust her with everything, but as the next full moon approached, I was finding it harder to come up with a good excuse for not being able to spend time with her late at night. Telling her the truth about Remus' condition was out of the question because it was his secret to share, not mine, but at the same time I felt conflicted because I wanted to tell her exactly what I was doing and why.

The night of the first full moon of the second term was a bad one. The Marauders and I made our usual plans to sneak out of Gryffindor tower for our journey to the Shrieking Shack, except we hadn't counted on Lily being adamant about spending time with me. I told the others to go ahead without me and that I would try to get out of spending time with Lily. Big mistake. When I told her that I was feeling a bit sick, she insisted that I either go to Madam Pomfrey or that she would take care of me. When I told her I was tired and just wanted to go to sleep, she insisted that she would lay down with me to make sure I was comfortable. When I told her that I wanted to be alone for the night, she got angry and stalked out of my room. At least I was free to join the rest of the Marauders.

Soon after Lily stomped out of my room, I found myself moping down the corridors towards the Whomping Willow and the passage to the Shrieking Shack. I felt awful because it was the first argument in our new relationship and because I had lied to her. At any other time I would have jumped at the opportunity to spend time with her, but Remus needed me and that's exactly where I was headed. As I rounded a corner past the doors to the Great Hall, I bumped into a sixth year witch from Hufflepuff by the name of Cassidy that I was very familiar with. I had absolutely no intention to speak to her except for the fact that she stood directly in front of me and in my way. Annoyed, I decided to address her.

"You should be in your common room, it's about five minutes until curfew," I said in a flat tone.

"Then where are you headed off to?" she asked in a sweet tone.

"I'm monitoring the corridors, making sure everybody is where they should be," I said through half gritted teeth. I admit it, normally I would be really accommodating to her but Lily meant too much to me. I would not flirt with her the way I had become accustomed to over the years.

"So where's carrot head... I mean the Head Girl?" she asked in a fake innocent voice.

"She just couldn't come tonight," I responded feeling a bit nervous but trying to sound cool.

"Well then you won't write me up for this, right James?" she said walking closer to me and pulling lightly on my tie. "I mean we could always catch up on old times….if you're up for it," she said coming closer still.

"Er…no Cassidy," I responded taking a step away from her. When she didn't let go of my tie, I pulled it out of her hand and said, "I'm gonna have to take 10 points from Hufflepuff because it's officially past curfew and you're still here."

"You're no fun anymore James," she cooed, starting to walk away. "If you ever want a walk back memory lane, you know where to find me," she finished, winking at me.

A little flustered by what had just happened, I finally made my way out of the castle and towards my friends.

xx

The next morning, I found myself sitting half awake in the Gryffindor common room trying to finish my reading for Charms while having to listen to Sirius snoring on the couch directly in front of me. Right as I was about to doze off, the noise of someone coming down from the girl's dormitories woke me up. When I looked up, Lily was quickly making her way towards the portrait hole.

"Morning," she said and quickly walked past me.

"Lily, hold up," I said trying to gather my belongings to catch up with her.

She didn't stop and I had to practically run after her before I caught up and tried to hold her hand while we made our way towards the Great Hall.

"What's wrong?" I asked

"Nothing," she responded not looking at me.

"Oh come on, something's bothering you."

"Where were you last night?" she suddenly asked stopping in the middle of the corridor.

I stopped in my tracks and looked at her with what I hoped wasn't a look of absolute horror.

"Why do you ask?"

"I went up to your dormitory an hour after we argued only to find your bed empty. I felt bad for having walked out on you and wanted to apologize, but obviously you didn't care."

"Lily, I…."

"So where were you?"

"I…can't tell you," I finally managed.

"What?" she asked, shocked.

"I'm sorry Lily, but I can't…."

"Good morning James," came a sweet voice from behind us. I would've died on the spot if it were possible.

"I enjoyed your company last night, I hope we can meet up again sometime," Cassidy said as she passed Lily and me on the corridor before disappearing into the Great Hall, with a great big evil smirk on her face.

With a look of incredulity, Lily proceeded to walk away from me at full speed.

"Lily, please wait! Let me explain!"

"Explain what! That you lied to me because you were with some girl! I can't believe you!" she screamed at me. "I thought you had changed! I thought you actually cared about me, but I was just another conquest for you wasn't I? Another prize to be won?" she screamed even louder, her face almost the color of her hair.

"Lily, it's not what you think. I ran into her in the hall last night but all I did was take points off because she was out after curfew. I swear, I only talked to her for a few minutes but that's all," I pleaded.

"If that's all you did, then why can't you tell me where you were last night?" she asked her anger still evident.

"I can't tell you that, Lily, please believe me, nothing happened," I said coming closer to her and trying to hold her hand.

"Stay away from me," she said with a voice full of hatred. "I should have known you could never change," she said before walking away and back up to the dormitories.

I stood there, dumfounded for a while before I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"What happened Prongs?"

Remus had obviously been amongst those who had witnessed our blow out.

"I messed it up Moony. She hates me now," I said feeling dejected.

"What did you do? Please tell me you weren't with that girl Cassidy last night," he said sounding worried.

"I swear I wasn't Moony, I would never do that to Lily. I was on my way to…you know, when I bumped into her. She tried to make the moves on me but I told her to go to her dormitory and took points off for being out after curfew. That's all," I finished holding my head down.

"Why didn't you tell Lily where you were?" he asked.

"You know I would never tell anyone about you, even if it means keeping it from Lily."

"What! You're letting her walk out on you because of me?" he asked in shock.

"The Marauders made a promise to never tell anybody about it Moony. I would never break that promise and I'm definitely not blaming you for this. I was bound to mess it up sooner or later. Things were too perfect between us."

Remus looked at me for a moment and it saddened me to think that such a caring person like himself would have to go through so much torture every month.

"I'll see you later Moony, I'm going to find a tower to jump off of," I finished, finally walking away from a very confused Remus Lupin.

* * *

Liked it? Hated it? Thought it was just okay? Please review! 


	11. Confessions

I own nothing and I don't pretend to be JK Rowling. :-)

* * *

**Confessions**

The rest of that day, the day I royally messed up my relationship with the girl of my dreams, went by in a crawl. Every time I tried talking to Lily in class she would either walk away from me, or 'accidentally' spill something on me. Later that evening when she didn't show up for dinner, I went looking for her in the common room only to realize I couldn't go up to the girl's dormitories. What if there was an emergency where the Head Boy was needed up there? What would the professors do then? Defeated, I made my way towards the astronomy tower where I sincerely wished I could hide for the remainder of the term. I had officially blown it with the one girl I had tried so hard to get for so many years. Even more pathetic was the fact that I couldn't even make it work for more than a month. Only_ I_ could have messed it up that badly and I was really beginning to believe that my relationships weren't ever meant to be long term. When I reached the tower, I was amazed by the stillness of the night. I sat on the ledge thinking about a way to fix the situation. It was going to be impossible. Lily was stubborn, and I didn't think I would ever change her mind. What she said to me during the blow out was really starting to kill me because I never thought I would ever hear words like that being directed at me after the way she and I had gotten along all year. I never knew hearing those words would eat me up and tear me apart from the inside out. I never knew she meant that much to me that imagining life without her was near impossible.

Sitting out on the astronomy tower should brought some ease into my heart, but the only thing I could think that would possibly make me feel better was to have Lily in my arms. How could I have possibly messed it up that bad?

xxx

I wasn't sure how long I sat out there, but I it was definitely a few hours past curfew when I heard fast footsteps behind me. Expecting to see McGonagall running out to yell out a storm at me and give me a well deserved detention, I turned around only to stare down at the one person I wanted to desperately see.

"James! What are you doing up there? Don't jump!"

Confused, I slowly got down. "Lily?"

"Whatever you were about to do, don't do it!" she shrieked sounding frantic.

"What are you talking about? I was just sitting there."

"But….I….oh James, I'm so glad I found you," she said leaping into my arms. I hugged her back, feeling my heart wanting to dive out of my chest, but I still wasn't sure what was going on.

"I thought you were mad at me," I said looking into her eyes and noticing tears there for the first time. "You're crying."

"Of course I'm crying you dolt. I thought I almost lost you and it would have been all my fault," she said letting out a choked sob.

"Lily what are you on about? This isn't your fault, I…"

"Remus told me that you said you were going to find a tower to jump off of after our argument," she interrupted.

I let out a huge sigh of relief after realizing what she had been going on about and let out a low chuckle. "I was being sarcastic Lily, I wouldn't do that," I said holding her tight until common sense hit me like a ton of bricks. "Hold on. When did you speak to Remus?"

"He went looking for me after History of Magic. He wanted to tell me where you were last night," she said looking straight at me with an intense gaze.

"He what?" I half shouted. "He told you….."

"Everything," she responded with a meaningful look as she took hold of my hand.

"As in…"

"As in I know where you go every full moon," she answered looking straight into my eyes and taking hold of my other hand.

"But…that means that you…"

"Remus told me about his condition, James. He also told me that he couldn't tell me how you manage to go out there with him. He said only you could let me on that secret."

That was not what I expected at all. I would have thought that she would yell at me and call me more names, or that she would rub it in my face that I was a bloody wanker. The fact that she knew about Remus' lycanthropy was not at the top of my list of things Lily Evans wanted to share with me at the time. How's a bloke to respond to that? '_Oh great, you know; I'm sure you and your friends will have a right old time talking about it. Want to go snog in a broom closet now?_' Not very likely.

"And you're fine with it? I mean, you're not going to tell the whole of Hogwarts at our next meal or anything, are you?" I asked running my hand through my hair. Stupid nervous habit.

"James of course I'm not going to tell anyone, you git" she defended pulling me closer to her. "Remus is one of the most caring people I know and has easily become one of my closest friends over the past two years. I don't think any less of him, and I certainly would never let his secret out on purpose."

"So you're not cross with me anymore?" I asked kissing her forehead. "You know, about our little altercation this morning?"

She blushed, and frowned a bit at my last question.

"I'm sorry about this morning, and I'm sorry I said those awful things to you. The thought of you not telling me the truth made me think that you weren't serious about me and it really made me angry," she said looking up at me as a placed kisses along her forehead. "I took a chance on you James. After all those years that you made my life miserable, and I couldn't stand you, I took a chance. I just couldn't imagine that you would play with me like that," she said looking back down at the ground.

"Don't apologize. If I were in your position I probably would have reacted the same with my track record. I would never do anything to hurt you Lily," I responded lifting her chin so that she was looking at me again. "I will never hurt you," I continued, wiping off tears from her cheeks.

"I know that now and I'm sorry James," she said cracking a smile. We stood there in comfortable silence for what seemed like a lifetime when she finally lifted her head kissed my chin. "So are you going to tell me how you manage to go down to the Shrieking Shack with Remus?"

I thought about it for a moment, and really considered not telling her. Would she hate me after I told her I was an illegal animagus? Would she hate Sirius and Peter too? I measured her up for a split second, and I knew then that there was no logical reason why I should keep such a secret from her. I knew she was trustworthy, and I had faith that she would not turn against me or my friends. I held her hand tightly and smiled down at her, preparing to tell her the one thing us Marauders promised to never share with anyone else unless we absolutely had to.

"Well, it's complicated," I started. "You see, after second year when we found out about Remus' condition, Sirius and I came up with a plan. Only our plan was extremely dangerous and highly illegal. When Remus heard about what we were planning, he was, of course, adamant that we not continue with it, but there was no way we were going to let him go through his transformations all alone. So for two years Sirius and I, and later Peter, worked tirelessly on this plan until finally in fifth year, we did it. Our plan worked to perfection in a way we couldn't have imagined. Ever since then, the three of us have been going to the Shrieking Shack once a month to keep Remus company during the full moon."

"What did you do?" she asked with obvious curiosity.

I looked around to make sure that nobody was lurking in the shadows, and then looked at her with my mischievous grin.

"Can't do it here. If you come up to my dormitory, I'll show you."

"James!" she yelled pushing me away from her and smiling.

"No, it's not what you think. I can't show you out here because nobody else is supposed to know. Please?"

"Fine, lead the way," she said before holding out her hand and letting me lead her towards Gryffindor tower.

xxx

Once in the privacy of my dormitory, I thought of about a million things I would love to have done to and with her, but she was looking at me with an 'I-know-what-you're-thinking-but-I-didn't-come-here-for-that' look.

"So, what's the big secret?" she asked sitting on my bed.

"Okay, before I show you, remember that what we did is very illegal, and if anyone ever found out, we would be sent to Azkaban for sure," I told her with a serious tone.

"Okay, you're scaring me."

"Alright, here goes."

She looked a little confused at first because I stood there for a few seconds watching her. When I finally transformed into my stag form, she gasped before standing up and taking a few steps away from me. I took a few tentative steps towards her and rubbed the side of my head against her arm. She was hesitant at first, but she timidly placed a hand around one of my antlers.

"Prongs," she whispered and then smiled at me.

She slowly rubbed the top of my head, tickling behind my ears, before kneeling down in front of me and holding my head up so that she was looking straight into my eyes.

"You make a really cute stag, you know that?" she said before giving me a kiss on my nose.

I huffed out indignantly at being referred to as 'cute' and she laughed. I playfully licked her face in retaliation before taking a lap around my room and sitting down in front of her again.

"You know, I knew you guys were up to something but never in a million years would I have guessed you would achieve something as brilliant as this," she said as she stepped away from me. "I guess you guys really are as clever as everyone says you are."

As I turned back into my human form, she looked at me and leapt up into my arms for a bone crushing hug and a kiss on the lips.

"I'm sorry for saying the awful things I said about you earlier. I think what you've done is brilliant," she whispered into my ear.

"No need to apologize," I said leaning in for another kiss. "And I know I'm brilliant," I said to her before she hit me hard on the arm.

xxx

Hours later, Lily and I found ourselves lying side by side on my bed. I had spent the better half of that time explaining to Lily how we managed to become animagi. I told her about how frightened Sirius and Peter were the first time we tried it and how I volunteered to go first. I don't think I'll ever obliterate the image of me hiding inside our dormitory for two days after that initial transformation because Sirius made me do it wrong. The charm had an 'e' not an 'a' at the end, and so when I transformed back to my human form, I still had antlers on the top of my head. Stupid Sirius with his sloppy writing. He even had the audacity to smirk years after whenever we returned to Gryffindor tower after a night time stroll. The git never knew when to let things go. As I continued to tell her about the many things we did as animagi, I realized that we were far more intelligent than even we gave ourselves credit for. The concept of the Marauder's Map dumfounded her when I told her exactly how we roamed the corridors late at night without getting caught and I think I saw a glimmer in her eye just then. At first, she didn't quite believe that anyone at Hogwarts, much less someone she knew owned an invisibility cloak until I pointed to the shiny garment sitting on top of my trunk. I think I won a few extra points with her because of the ingenuity of the whole thing.

"So how do you know that one Hufflepuff girl?" she finally asked raising an eyebrow in my direction.

"Oh, you know, I've seen her around," I responded looking away from her.

"Come on, I'm not going to yell at you if you tell me you went out with her," she said sitting up on the bed.

"Okay then, I went out with her a few times last year."

"So you were going out with her at the same time you were asking me out?" she smirked.

"Well it's not as if we had a serious relationship or anything. We just kind of saw each other now and again," I said intertwining my fingers with hers. "I've been crazy about you since first year, before I knew what to make of my feelings Lily. All those other girls were just keeping me company until you agreed to go out with me," I said with a smile.

"So all those years of turning my hair pink, making my teeth grow two inches, making me trip in the middle of corridors, sending me howlers, putting disgusting things in my school bag and such were just your way of showing how crazy you were about me?" she asked with an incredulous look on her face.

"Like I said, I didn't know what to make of my feelings," I responded as she threw a pillow on top of my head.

"You're such a prat," she yelled as she lunged at me and she began punching me lightly.

"I'll take that as a challenge," I stated before slowly picking her off of me and throwing her to the other side of the bed where I proceeded to tickle her mercilessly.

* * *

Liked it? Hated it? Thought it was just okay? Please review! 


	12. Lasting Impressions

A/N: This is very short, and I didn't think I would ever finish this chapter. It went through many transformations before I finally settled in on this version. It's not exactly how I wanted it, but it's close. I hope you all still like it. 

I own nothing. :-)

* * *

**Lasting Impressions**

To say that I was the happiest I had ever been at Hogwarts was an understatement. I remembered the carefree days at Hogwarts when it was all about Quidditch and pranking. We Marauders had so much fun in those days that it was hard to imagine any of us ever getting any work done in between (except of course, Remus). While we were still having a blast, our idea of fun was quickly changing. It was a different sort of fun our seventh year. Yes, there was still Quidditch, and no, we never stopped torturing Snape, but we came to realize that there were other things at Hogwarts to keep us entertained. Who knew? Thanks to Lily, we learned to appreciate the art of having fun without torturing the innocent. She always had a trick up her sleeve so that by the end of any night all of us, even Sirius, had spent the evening inside the Gryffindor common room and not getting into trouble. That was just one thing I loved about her. She had an incredible imagination and she never stopped believing that we were good people despite our juvenile past. She became an unofficial member of our group, and a sister to my three best friends. Even Peter, who always seemed a bit reluctant to get to know her, enjoyed her company. Although he would never admit it, I once caught him staring at her with his mouth wide open. Poor bloke, she was probably the only girl that ever paid him so much attention.

Life really couldn't get better. The only thought that hampered my mood in those days was the fact that Valentine's Day was quickly approaching and I was having a difficult time figuring out how to make the day absolutely perfect for Lily. It was the first time I had ever put so much thought to the holiday considering I had never had a very serious girlfriend in the past and had always been unwilling to go through all the trouble of preparing something special. This was the year of all years. It was my opportunity to show her how much I cared about her.

xxx

Immediately following the Valentine's Day feast in the Great Hall, I had Remus keep Lily occupied for an hour while I finished all of my preparations. I was very proud of myself, and was determined to make it a memorable occasion. When I went up to the common room to call on Lily, I was sure I wasn't going to be able to go through with my plans. She made me nervous and always managed to make me forget what was on my mind the minute I looked into those beautiful emerald eyes.

"What are you staring at, prat?" she asked as she came over to where I was standing like an idiot.

"Just wondering how I got so lucky," I responded hoping she wouldn't sense my nerves.

"Well I won't argue with that," she responded kissing my cheek.

As I wrapped to my arms around her waist, I couldn't help but melt into her arms. She was finally mine.

"Come on, I have a surprise for you," I whispered into her ear as I led her out of the portrait hole and towards the third floor.

She looked excited at the prospect of me, James Potter, doing something romantic for her. I admit I hadn't been the most romantic boyfriend since we made our relationship official, but who could blame me? I had never been with a girl that I cared so much about and Lily still made me nervous whenever we were together. I was always at her mercy and she didn't even know it.

"What are you staring at Potter?" she asked flashing me that toothy smile I loved so much.

"Oh so we're back to _Potter_ are we?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"I don't believe we ever left it, although I'd be willing to drop it if you told me what you're up to."

"No deal Evans," I responded as she pouted. "It's not too far off now."

"What's not too far off now?" she asked using her most innocent tone. I knew that tone too well by now and if I wasn't careful, she would have me on my knees and at her every beck and call before I could say Quidditch.

"Oh no you don't. I know that tone and I'm not falling for it this time," I responded as I mock scolded her. She only pouted more before she suddenly stepped in front of me and put her arms around my neck.

"What tone, _James_?" she asked deliberately using my name in the most seductive tone I had ever heard coming from her mouth.

Stupid male hormones! At that moment she reached up and placed her lips on mine in a way that almost made me melt into a puddle on the ground before her. How she always did that to me I never knew, but I wouldn't have traded the feeling for anything in the world. Breathing? Who needed to breathe when I had Lily Evans in my arms? Conscious thought? I didn't need that either. Hell, I didn't even need to know my name as long as she didn't stop doing what she was doing. When she pulled away, I knew I was looking at her with my goofiest smile, but I didn't care. She did that to me, and I wanted the world to know it.

"So are we almost there?" she asked and she traced little circles on my chest with her finger.

"Yeah," I managed to croak out.

Somehow I was able to force my legs to function properly again, and soon we were making our way toward our destination. It was no small feat, but with the help of the other Marauders and a few bribes, I was able to accomplish what I had been planning for well over a month. She looked at me like I was crazy when I stopped in front of a statue of a humpbacked witch, and I grinned at her. I couldn't believe we had been together for so long and I still hadn't revealed all of the Marauder's secrets.

When I whispered _Dissendium_, Lily looked at me as if I had finally gone off my rocker. She opened her mouth, about to question my sanity, when she let out a loud gasp of surprise instead. Her surprise soon turned into an indignant stare, and I just had to let out a low chuckle at the open display of her emotions before me.

"You sneaky little bugger," she berated. "This is how you've been sneaking out of Hogwarts all these years!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, this is sort of how the Marauder's Map got its start," I explained.

"Perfect," she said. "I'm dating an absolute criminal."

"Yes, and as a brilliant criminal, I must insist that we scamper out of this corridor before the entire school learns our secrets," I said trying to steer her closer to the statue.

"And where exactly are you taking me you…you sneak," she asked blushing a bit at the fact that she couldn't come up with a witty come back.

"Hogsmeade. Now come on," I said to her before giving her an encouraging shove.

"Hogsmeade again?" she asked, clearly crestfallen. "But we just went there this past weekend," she whined.

"Yes I know that, but this will be different," I said bringing her close for a hug. "I promise," I whispered into her ear.

Satisfied that it was not going to be just another trip to Hogsmeade, we stealthily made our way into the secret passage that led to Honeyduke's cellar. I had to keep reassuring Lily that no, there were no rats in the passage, and that yes, I did know what I was doing. Once we reached the cellar, I placed the invisibility cloak over our heads. I knew Honeyduke's was closed for the day, but I didn't want to take any chances. Once I helped Lily out, we made our way out of the front door and onto the snowy streets of Hogsmeade.

Now, I'm not going to lie and say that I wasn't nervous. Because I was. I was so nervous I kept running my hand through my hair more than usual, and it was making Lily twitchy. She gave me 'The Look' a few times, but I tried to ignore it. It was Valentine's Day and it was going to be special even if it killed me. After bypassing almost every shop on the main road, Lily finally got tired of walking and turned on me.

"Where exactly are you taking me?" she asked with a little bit of edge behind her voice.

"It's a surprise," I whispered to her like it was some sort of conspiracy we were keeping from the rest of the world.

"Well I don't care much for your surprise anymore James Potter," she started. "Because frankly, I don't see why you have to be so secretive about it."

"Well you see, the whole point of a surprise is to catch someone unawares. Meaning you can't know about it until you see it because then it won't be a surprise," I stated coolly.

"I know what a surprise is you git, I just don't see how walking past every deserted shop in Hogsmeade has to do with anything," she pouted.

She was literally the death of me. One pout. That's all it took for me to melt in a puddle before her. One perfect lip slowly sliding up to cover her other perfect lip in the sexiest and sweetest way known to man. Just one pout and I was ready to give her the world.

"We'll get to it faster if you don't pout," I responded wrapping my arm around her waist. "Your pout has the ability to knock me senseless, and I have to know what I'm doing if we're ever going to get to the surprise."

"_I'm_ going to knock you senseless if we don't get there soon," she responded with a smile threatening to break her always effective pout.

We walked in that manner for a few more minutes; her complaining about not getting there soon enough, and me groaning as she pouted again. It was a very disturbing walk.

When we finally arrived at our destination, I was relieved to see that Lily actually looked impressed by it. As a matter of fact, she even looked at a loss for words. After a few more minutes of complete silence, I began to wonder if she had lost her voice or if I was reading her all wrong and she hated it.

"Lily?" I asked hesitantly.

"Oh James," she whispered. "James," she choked out with a sob.

"Hey, hey, why are you crying?" I asked beginning to panic.

"This is just….it's so…..oh James," she repeated taking my neck and yanking me forward so that my head was placed unceremoniously on top of her head. They were happy tears, I gathered.

"Do you like it?" I murmured.

"It's perfect," she responded sniffing loudly.

It was just one of those things I learned about Lily during those long nights when I was sure I had absolutely no chance in hell to be with her. It was during a time when we knew absolutely nothing about each other's lives outside of Hogwarts, and it was during a time that I would always hold dear to my heart. She told me then that her father had always taken her ice skating on a secluded lake by their home during her Christmas breaks before her Hogwarts years. They never shared that experience with anyone else, and it was the same every year; just the two of them, her dancing circles in the middle of the frozen lake, and him making a complete fool of himself in skates in front of his daughter. The telling of those memories was very difficult on her because her parents had died just a few weeks before Christmas of her second year. She hadn't wanted to go ice skating after that for fear of a complete break down. It was with much trepidation and second guessing of myself that I made arrangements to spend a quiet evening with her at the park in Hogsmeade where the lake was just frozen enough for two people to skate. I had to bribe many people to make it happen and I had to place a few well placed cooling charms in some areas, but the final effect was spectacular. We had the lake to ourselves, and although I was dung on ice skates, I was willing enough to make a complete idiot of myself in front of her just like I had for so many years.

"Come on," I said as I began leading her towards the frozen lake.

"I…I can't," she responded with tears in her eyes.

My heart sank. I had been too presumptuous. I had led myself to believe that I could take her father's place in some way during a ritual so sacred to her. I had once again, royally messed up.

"Lily, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"James, you have no idea how much this means to me," she said squeezing the blood out of my hand. "If I get any closer to that lake, if I let myself be overcome by what you have done for me and by what I'm feeling for you right now, I don't think I can ever look back."

I lost myself in her gaze. There are few things that fall into the category of rendering James Potter speechless, but Lily Evans was the one person who always managed to do just that. Had I known that my brain would seize to function by what she was trying to tell me, I would have prepared some sort of speech to place in my coat pocket before taking her out to the lake. I always hoped she would feel half of what I felt for her towards me, but having it all out there was too much for me to handle. I stared at her wide eyed for an eternity, never wanting to break contact with her loving gaze. I was mesmerized by the way the color went to her face, and the way she absently bit her bottom lip. I unconsciously saw my hand stretching to touch her face, desperate to make sure that it wasn't all just a dream. When the tips of my fingers finally made contact with her warm, soft cheek, I let out a breath I wasn't even aware I had been holding.

"Lily, I…"

"Shh," she said as she caressed my hand. "I know."

When she finally tore her gaze away from mine, she took that first step towards the lake. It was one of those moments that defined our lives together. I don't think our relationship would have ever been so strong had I been the one to take that first step. She stopped right at the edge where the snow met the frozen water and smiled at me expectantly. I whipped out my wand, transfigured our trainers into ice skates, and spent the evening together talking, laughing, yelling, falling, and getting to know each other's intricacies. I must have spent that entire evening on my arse more than on my feet, but it was moments like that made me realize just how much she meant to me. I might have been jumping into things too quickly, but I had never been so incredibly sure about anything as I was about her.

* * *

Liked it? Hated it? Thought it was just okay? Please review!

A/N: The next chapter may take quite a while to make it up here…..it hasn't even made it to the outline yet.


	13. Friendships

**A/N:** I'm terribly sorry for the stupidly long delay. I had writer's block and then a plot bunny for another multi-chaptered fic ate at me until I started writing it, so I've been working on that instead. When I finally got writer's block for that fic, I remembered that I hadn't updated this in a while, so here you go. The plan is to continue updating monthly like I did in the beginning and we'll go from there. This isn't a very long chapter, but it was important that I set this up before continuing. By the way, this chapter in particular, is rated PG-13 for language. Hope you enjoy, and please review if you read.

* * *

**Friendships**

"McGonagall?"

"Leg-Locker Curse. Imagine the glare of death we'd get from her for that one!"

"Dumbledore?"

"A candy charm of some sort. Simple, but effective if we want to keep him off our tails."

"Filch?"

"Grooming charm, definitely a grooming charm."

"Moony?"

"Babbling curse."

"What? He talks," I defended as Sirius and I made a list of spells and hexes we would love to try on certain people. "Alright then, how about Wormtail?"

"Growing charm."

"Pft, I definitely agree with you on that one, poor bloke. Snivellus?"

"Now you're talking! De-greasing charm. Or better yet, a hover cloud charm; whatever gets the grease out of the filthy thing he calls hair," Sirius smiled wickedly at me. "Alright, my turn," he smiled, and I noticed the way his gaze drifted past me.

"What would you use on Evans then?"

Lily, of course. That's where his gaze was concentrated, and I knew I had to play my cards right on that one. She would, of course, be watching and listening to every word I said and I had to make sure I didn't put my foot in my mouth.

"Easy. I'd use a perfection charm, except it wouldn't work because she's already perfect," I smirked. I received a dramatic eye roll for my efforts from my best friend and a smack on the back of my head from Lily who had just come up behind me.

"Bollix! There is no such thing as a perfection charm and you knew I was behind you. That's the only reason you said it," she berated me, trying to hide the blush that was creeping up her neck.

"I meant it though," I responded, hiding the smile that was threatening to give me away, so I kissed her on the cheek instead.

I couldn't help but feel that my day brightened up the moment Lily walked into the room. I always knew she did strange things to me, but I never realized how much she affected everything around me as well. Suddenly, everything that had been bothering me before she walked in was forgotten and everything that I dreaded became something to look forward to. I became a different person around her, and although she appreciated my efforts, others found my new attitude hard to swallow.

Sirius rolled his eyes once more at the affection shared between Lily and I before mumbling something unintelligible under his breath and stalking up to our dormitory.

Sirius was particularly put off by my love life. He wasn't upset at the fact that I had a girlfriend, because I've had many girlfriends in my years at Hogwarts. He was upset because he knew Lily was different. He was there in fourth year when I tried writing an anonymous love letter to her that sounded more like I was describing a pastry rather than expressing her beauty. He was by my side in fifth year when she yelled at me for humiliating Snape in front of everyone, and he was the one who told me she'd come around. He was also there in sixth year when I was close to giving up on her altogether after she hexed me for asking her out on a date to Hogsmeade in front of the seventh year Ravenclaw she had a crush on. He changed my mind about giving up on her, reminding me that I was James Potter, and that I never quit. He was always supportive when I was down and was never afraid to be ruthlessly honest with me when I needed him to be. He kept my head out of the clouds, and in return, I made him feel like the brother I never had. I understood that he wasn't loved like a child deserved, and that he had never had the type of closeness with anyone as he had with me. I made it a point to make him feel needed; to make him know that his opinions were the most valuable to me above everyone else's and could never be replaced.

Perhaps that's why he was having a difficult time dealing with my intimacy with Lily. He probably felt left out and discarded. I never stopped spending time with my friends after I started dating her, but I wasn't always there either. Conversations that used to be dominated by plans of dung bombs in the corridors, and sneaking out in the middle of the night suddenly became discussions concerning a certain red head and evenings spent on quiet strolls by the lake. Grand entrances into the Gryffindor common room by the four marauders were replaced by quiet conversations between three friends and tales of famed adventures in the kitchens slowly became myth. Sirius and I didn't spend as much time together as we used to, and I couldn't keep telling myself that things weren't changing. It wasn't as if Lily was holding her wand to my head making me spend time with her. I wanted to be with her every moment of the day, but I didn't want to alienate the one person who had already shown his undying devotion and unrivaled friendship to me. I had hurt Sirius in the same way he had been hurt before, but I'm sure it hurt so much more coming from me.

xxxxxxx

"Where's Moony?" I asked as Sirius and I sat on our four poster beds.

"Library," he responded, not even bothering to look up at me.

"And Wormtail?"

"With Moony," he responded, lifting up the _Daily Prophet_ he was reading to cover his face.

It was a dull March afternoon, the first in months, and I was ready to pull my hair out. My homework was done, my essays had been written days in advance (Lily's idea) and all Head Boy duties had been taken care of. Hogwarts wasn't supposed to be boring. It was supposed to be full of pranks, mishaps, and stolen treacle tarts from the kitchens.

"I'm bored," I declared.

"Don't talk to me about boredom," Sirius commented as he made a show of straightening out the newspaper he was holding and mumbling something that sounded like _estranged best friend_.

I considered him for a moment and I immediately felt guilty. I always thought I could talk about anything with Sirius, but things had changed since the beginning of our seventh year and I didn't know how to tell my best friend that things were going to remain that way. We weren't kids anymore, camping out in our dormitory or under my invisibility cloak planning pranks and I think that scared him. We would be graduating in June and who knew what was next? Sirius and I had always planned to move in together after Hogwarts and work as Aurors, but with Lily in the picture, I couldn't see that happening anymore. I wanted to be with Lily after Hogwarts and Sirius would have to accept that.

"What are you on about?" I asked, hoping he would go into one of his brooding moods that he was prone to doing those days simply to avoid an argument we were bound to have.

He looked both ways, as if searching for someone before he put his paper down, looked at me, and pointed his finger at his chest.

"Could it be? Is James Potter actually speaking to _me_?" he shot back at me with a sad look in his eyes.

"Sirius…." I warned.

He had a disgusted look when he threw the paper aside and began pacing in front of his bed. I immediately knew he was hurt and upset. He kept opening and closing his mouth as if to tell me something, but continued to pace as his anger grew. I had only seen Sirius that upset once before, and that was when he ran away from home in the summer leading up to our sixth year at Hogwarts.

"You know James?" he started. "I never took you for the type of bloke that would choose a bird over his best friend. She hated you mate, and I know you love her, but why do you let her take over your life the way she does?"

The first thoughts that came to mind were to tell him that he didn't understand because he had never loved or been loved by anyone, but I stopped myself just in time. Sirius didn't need to hear that, and it wasn't true. As sappy as it sounds, he was loved by all four of his best friends; _I_ especially loved him as a brother, and I knew he understood that. It had just never dawned on me that he would react that way the moment someone took hold of that part of my heart that was yearning to be filled and could never be touched by him. Sirius figured we would be bachelors together until we were well into our thirties, and then we would settle down with crazy women that were willing to take us in. It surprised me how hard I fell for Lily at such a young age, but I never even thought of how much it would affect Sirius. I was leaving him behind already, and he was panicking.

"She hasn't taken over my life Padfoot," I soothed. "She's always in my thoughts, yes, but she hasn't done anything to me that I haven't wanted."

He stopped pacing and looked at me hard. His eyes were wide and his mouth slightly open. If I didn't know Sirius so well, I might have thought he would start to cry.

"So that's it then. She's in your life and it's good-bye to the pathetic bloke that has been by your side through thick and thin. It's good-bye to seven years of friendship because you fell in love with a selfish schoolgirl that doesn't even know you and is probably just biding her time until she finds someone else to kiss her arse?"

"Sirius," I began as I massaged my temples. "I'm not gonna forget about our friendship because I fell in love with her. Actually, I should consider it; you're acting like a total twat. Instead of congratulating me for finally getting the girl I've been pining over for years, you get mad and mope around like I just broke up with _you_," I lectured. "You're supposed to say 'Congratulations, buddy, you finally did it,' or 'I'm happy for you mate, can I be your best man at the wedding?'"

"Best man? You want me…you want to…" Sirius shrieked in an abnormally high voice. "Wedding?" he finally choked out.

"I'm just saying," I replied, surprised that something like that had come out of my mouth.

"You're just saying," he deadpanned. "And next thing I know, you'll be saying you want to name your baby after her father," he said and let out an audible sigh.

I had never seen Sirius so vulnerable. His shoulders were slumped, his hair was uncharacteristically tousled and he had a panicked expression on his face.

"Sirius, it just came out. We haven't talked about a wedding or babies, and I don't see why you're getting so worked up about this," I explained, and it was obviously it was the wrong thing to say. The next thing I knew, Sirius was in my face, finger pointing painfully into my sternum and he was shaking all over.

"Who said I was worked about it?" he demanded in a freakishly high voice again. "Who said I had a problem with you procreating after prefect meetings? Who said I _cared _whether or not you get married? I've only been your best friend longer than she's known you're alive, no worries," he finished, finally removing his finger and continuing to pace in front of me.

"Sirius," I called out, but he shrugged me away. "Padfoot," I tried again, and this time he went and sat on his bed. "Look, I'm sorry I've been neglecting you guys lately and I'm sorry I've made you feel like I don't value our friendship anymore. Things changed, _I_ changed. I'm sorry for a lot of things I've done, to you in particular, but I won't apologize for spending time with Lily and I won't apologize for falling in love with her. I only hope that you can see how happy she makes me and I wish you could feel what I feel when I see her smile in my direction," I smiled and walked closer to his bed. "She's the one, Padfoot, just like I've always told you."

We were quiet for a few minutes and I couldn't tell if it was a good or bad thing. Sirius had a reputation of keeping a grudge for years and I really didn't want to be on the wrong end of that one. Just when I thought he wouldn't speak to me anymore, I looked up and saw him laughing.

"What?" I asked, very confused as to how quickly his mood had changed.

"You're a sodding girl, Prongs. You're a sap and you don't even know it," he continued to laugh, and by then he was wiping tears from his eyes. "Honestly, 'I wish you could feel what I feel when I see her smile in my direction.' What is _that_? Are you sure you aren't a poof, because you sound like one."

"Oh that's rich, coming from Mr. 'I never took you for the type of bloke that would choose a bird over his best friend.' You've been moping around like a scorned old maid and you're teasing me about it?" I asked, amused at his change of expression upon quoting him.

"You're the one she has by the balls mate, not me," he answered smugly.

"Sod off, you stupid git," I laughed, throwing a ball of socks, the first thing that was at my disposal, at him. "You're just jealous, admit it."

"Jealous, of _you_," he asked in mock disgust. "I should probably be celebrating your absence. Now everyone will see my pranking genius and I alone can take the credit," he said and he threw a pillow at me.

"That's it, you asked for it," I yelled, and I lunged towards him, landing on his stomach and pushing him away. He in turn, was yanking at my hair and aiming punches below the waist.

We didn't hear the door of the dormitory open and we didn't even notice when Peter walked around us to get to his bed. What finally pulled our attention away from our rugged play was when Remus threw water at us and looked at us in disbelief.

"So, what happened to letting the 'bloody wanker' know you wouldn't be taken advantage of, hmm? What happened to putting him in his place and calling it quits on your friendship?" Remus asked with amusement on his face as he sat on his bed.

I looked over at Sirius with a raised eyebrow, and all he did was shrug before fixing up his hair and picking himself off the floor.

"I never said that," he replied before he picked up his _Daily Prophet_ again and holding it upside down. "You must be thinking of someone else Moony, because I would never say that about _my_ best friend."

* * *

Comments are appreciated... 


End file.
